Saiyuki fic - Gingerbread Castle, part 3
Aug. 5th, 2007 11:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
new_kateHappy 5/8 day! This part is totally NWS.
Title: Gingerbread Castle
Fandom: Saiyuki
Spoilers: Through Burial
Summary and warnings: Alternative timeline in which Gojyo isn't the one who finds wounded Gonou in the woods. NC-17 for m/m and general creepiness.
Many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hibem for beta!
Part one
Part two
The spare ribs were cold, dry and sticky, covered in clumps of congealed fat. After all the chocolate meat had no appeal, not that he would even risk eating the meat that Kami brought from hell knows where. Instead he cleaned up the tray Hakkai brought for him, stuffing sweets in his mouth indiscriminately. Sugar made him shaky and giddy, and the little pink marshmallows swelled up in his stomach, making him full like after a good meal.
“Let’s go give this to the hungry tiger,” he said and picked up the greasy takeout bag. Hakkai frowned, shrugged and took him down a winding corridor to the dark room with a large stinky cage.
The tiger was half-tamed, like a guard dog. It growled and snapped at them through the bars till it got a taste of food, and then mellowed out enough to let them pet it a little. Gojyo buried his fingers in long, kitten-soft fur under the tiger’s jaw and scratched, trying to make it purr. The tiger endured that for a while, whipped its tail against the floor and stalked deeper into the cage for an aftermeal nap.
“That was extremely dangerous,” said Hakkai. “But it seems to like you.”
“I’ve never seen one this big.”
“It’s a Bengal variety. From India, I believe. Our landlord gave it to Kami as a present when it was only a cub. He used to play with it and let it run free until it stopped being cute.”
“Huh,” Gojyo said, eyeing tiger’s slick striped back. It was still a beautiful beast, even underfed and slow from the lack of exercise. The bones piled in the corner of the cage – white, gnawed clean, with unmistakable round skulls – didn’t give him the chills like he expected. After all, a tiger’s gotta do what a tiger’s gotta do.
“Are you tired? If you feel up to walking some more, I could show you around the place.”
They wandered around, shoulder to shoulder, from one ridiculously large room to another, turning corners at random, up and down narrow steps. Hakkai didn’t provide much of a running commentary, apart from pointing out bathrooms and warning him about weird traps that were littered everywhere – spikes shooting from the ceiling, trapdoors opening into chilly darkness, rooms with moving walls designed to squish the occupants into paste. Gojyo tried to memorise the triggers, but the whole place was like a demented maze: corridors kept turning on themselves over and over, staircases neatly deposited them back where started climbing, and all those bare rooms with monotonous wall carvings could actually be the same room they kept ending up in wherever they went. He wasn’t so sure Hakkai knew where they were going any better than he did – when they walked through the dining room for the third time, the guy looked pretty surprised.
When his knees went from sore and weak to stiff and throbbing Gojyo sat on the nearest step for a little rest, and Hakkai knelt next to him, massaging his
swollen joints and washing magic over them. His touches were light and cool, just what Gojyo’s tight itchy new skin wanted.
“So, you’re not worried that learning the lay of the land will help me escape?” he asked, watching the green glow build between Hakkai’s fingers and fade as in sunk into his flesh.
“Are you learning anything?”
“Not really,” he admitted. He was more confused than before, which was probably the point.
“The only exit is through the main stairs. It’s quite possible to pass through the fog, although it can be an overwhelming experience. But beyond that the castle is surrounded by a barrier. It cannot be forced – in fact it can’t even be reached, much like a horizon. Perhaps a high priest could dispel it. We can’t.”
He glanced up through his messy bangs, and Gojyo once again was startled by the deep green of his eyes and tight, mournful set of his mouth.
“I want you to escape, Gojyo,” Hakkai said. “I can’t protect you forever in here.”
“What? I don’t need any protection, who do you think I am? That one time I just freaked out a little.”
Yeah, and then he ate some pink marshmallows and got ready to kick psycho god-wannabe ass like nobody’s business. He sighed, thinking of strategies. Strangling the skinny blond freak in his bed seemed like a great idea, but really too disgusting to seriously contemplate.
“We should both leave here, anyway,” he said. “Sooner the better. Let’s face it, this place is no fun.”
“I have nowhere to go,” mumbled Hakkai distantly, hunching over till the ends of his hair brushed Gojyo’s lap. Gojyo had to fist his hands at his sides to make sure he didn’t reach out and touch the dark silky strands, or Hakkai’s long slim neck, or the limiters on his ear.
“S’okay, you can come with me. Ever been to Southern Chang’An? You’ll like it. We have everything, you name it: bars, girls, gambling joints, uh, libraries.We can rent a place real cheap once we get there – where are we, anyways?”
“I’m not sure. Chang’An is to the East. Considerably far, I imagine.”
“Well, whatever, we’ll get there. We can winter in some village. Two freaking gorgeous guys in our prime, we’ll be welcome anywhere.”
“Yes,” said Hakkai with a smile, still crouching at his feet. “We could work in the fields, it’s about the time for the harvest. Or we could help out at the local school. You’ll be popular with all the girls, no doubt, and I always preferred the rural lifestyle myself. The houses are quite inexpensive West of Chan’An. We could buy a small derelict place, fix it up, make it a home.”
It was just like listening to a bedtime story in the dark of the room he used to share with Jien. His brother would smile just like that, dreamy and sad, faking it shamelessly because little stupid Gojyo wouldn’t be able to tell, and weave long, rambling tales that always ended well. And they lived happily ever after, the prince and his knights and all their pet dragons.
“So, you’re not coming,” Gojyo said, not even trying to make it a question.
“No.”
Gojyo nodded and turned away, because looking at Hakkai suddenly got to be a little too much. But there was nothing else to rest his eyes on. Just walls, walls, broken toys scattered around, more walls.
“How come there are no windows?” he asked.
“There used to be some. But we sealed them. There is nothing out there anyway - just trees and rain.”
“It’s not raining,” Gojyo said. He could usually tell. When he was ten his wrist got broken pretty badly, and now it worked as his own personal barometer.
“Isn’t it?” Hakkai tilted his head, listening. The silence was so thick and heavy that every breath Gojyo took sounded deafening to him. “Ah. Perhaps you’re right.”
“Let’s go outside, check it out,” he suggested. “We’ll both go nuts if we stay cooped up like this.”
“Oh, I don’t do that. I’ve only left the castle once, to bury my sister, and even that didn’t work out. But if you want some fresh air, I can take you to the roof. The view should be quite spectacular.”
Gojyo could’ve asked him a lot of questions. Of course he could. But Hakkai clearly had enough to deal with already, he didn’t need any stray hanyos pumping him for attention and information. Gojyo learned quite early on to take exactly as much as he was offered, and that turned out to be a very useful skill.
“How high’s this place?” he asked instead.
“Thirteen floors. But we’ll take the elevator.”
There was still a long flight of stairs from the elevator landing to the narrow, padlocked door that led to the roof. Gojyo managed to climb about five steps before his knees started to shake badly, refusing to haul his weight up any longer.
“Let’s have a little rest,” said Hakkai, tugging him on the sleeve, but Gojyo pulled free and swayed forward, ready to crawl up on all fours. He could almost smell the sunlight, the wind and the trees, and he couldn’t wait a second longer. Weird – he’d never been much of an outdoors person.
Hakkai caught him, ducked under his arm, took all Gojyo’s weight on his shoulder and dragged him up the stairs, barely letting his feet touch stone. His back was narrow and bony, vertebras poking hard into Gojyo’s side, but he could get used to this. Really easily.
“You have the key? Tell me you got the key,” he panted, determined to refrain from groping, too shaky anyway with pain and anticipation.
“No, of course I don’t,” Hakkai kicked at the door, hard, enough to make the hinges pop out of the wood, and backed off as soon as the door opened a crack, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. “There. He’ll probably get upset, but I’ll calm him down if it comes to that. I’ll wait for you here. Take your time.”
The sun hit Gojyo’s skin, mercilessly bright after the dim of the castle, and then the sharp pine forest air filled his chest, making him light like a balloon, like he could float off the roof any second now unless he held onto something. He made his way to the edge, manoeuvring between puddles, broken branches and streaks of bird shit, and sat down, dangling his legs over the guttering pipe.
The lush, dense forest was swaying and bowing to the wind far, far down below his feet. It probably looked like a stormy sea, except Gojyo’d never seen one and couldn’t be sure. To him this looked like a green coat of a huge, huge dog, petted by a rough, careless hand. Wind stroked the treetops in broad swipes, drawing darker trails in the green, andthe patterns got swept away by another sharp gust.
He could see the barrier Hakkai told him about. Not far away from the castle something was breaking the rocking motion of the green waves, making them ripple and change direction just a little. That line ran around the whole place in a perfect circle, like their own stunted little horizon. Gojyo wondered if the birds could see and cross it, and how it felt for them – cold fingers in their feathers, sudden swirl of nothing under their wings - and could they find their way out again, and if they even cared at all. He wiggled his naked toes, critically surveying the castle wall. It was aged, covered in cracks and ivy. He could probably skim it and go check that barrier out. But if it was really as unbreakable as Hakkai said that would be a waste of time, and he was in no shape to do any climbing and hiking just for the hell of it. Also, Hakkai was waiting for him to come back.
He scowled at that thought, suddenly dying to get out. The forest looked so thick from above, like he could just jump off the roof and softly bounce off the green, slide between the leaves and leave all this behind. The beads, and the tiger, and Kami’s crazy laugh, and Hakkai’s distant fragile smiles, and this fucking weird compulsion to do something about it, to make it all better, and the cold knowledge that nothing he could do would mean a thing.
He sat on the tiled roof till his ass went numb, just watching the sun lean westward and letting the wind hopelessly tangle up his hair. If he had any smokes on him this wouldn’t be any worse than hanging out somewhere around the market, soaking up the town gossip, leering at the passing girls and waiting for the bars to start opening. Okay, there were no girls here, but at least – fresh air, scent of pine, peace and quiet.
He got up, spat down into the abyss under his feet, just because you were supposed to do that sort of thing, walked back to the broken door and stuck his head inside.
“Hey, Hakkai? Come here, it’s nice out. Not raining or anything. Hakkai?”
Hakkai was sprawled face down at the bottom of the staircase, still and limp, his hair spilling over dusty stone. Gojyo barrelled down, hardly feeling any pain, jumping over four steps at once, rolled the body over and clenched his teeth, bracing for the worst.
He was asleep. That bastard was actually sleeping, so soundly that he barely stirred at all the manhandling. He rubbed his cheek against Gojyo’s wrist and snuggled closer to him, murmuring something nonsensical.
“You scared me, you jerk,” said Gojyo, glad that Hakkai wouldn’t hear him.
“Gojyo,” Hakkai mumbled and curled against him, and Gojyo couldn’t really stay mad any longer.
“Let’s go put you in bed,” he said and tried to pull them both up, but Hakkai gripped his hands and rolled his head against stone, still not all the way awake and firmly refusing to be.
“No beds. Can’t.”
“Come on, you’re not really a monk, you can sleep in a high bed.”
“Can’t. Beds are too empty. Here’s good,” he burrowed his face into Gojyo’s lap, yawned once and started quietly snoring almost straight away. Probably faking it, but what the hell. Gojyo settled against the wall, cradled the man closer and watched him doze for a while, and then he must have drifted off himself. Too much fresh air always made him feel tired.
*_*_*
“Idiot,” said the priest, reloading his gun. “I should shoot you too and put you out of your misery.”
He was so pretty, slight and angry and glowing brighter than the silver of his revolver, brighter than the moonlight pouring through the windows from the suddenly cloudless sky.
“Tempting,” drawled Gojyo and scratched at the rope burns on his arms. “I wouldn’t mind a better look at your gun, Sanzo-sama.”
“The hell were you doing, messing with guys like that? You’re a card shark, right? The smallest fry. This is out of your league, cockroach.”
(Back then he had said something smartass, lewd and cool that had made the priest twitch, but in every single dream about that night he told him the truth, and every single time it sounded impossibly pathetic.)
“…I had to. I had to give him the chance. Didn’t matter he wasn’t coming back for me. He’s my friend, you know? Asshole as he is, he’s still the best friend I have.”
But even in the dreams pretty blond Sanzo never looked at him with pity, and Gojyo liked that about him. Liked other things about him, too.
“Mister, you’re all bleeding. Do you need to see a doctor?” asked the cute little squirt that came with the priest and kicked some thief ass like Gojyo wouldn’t believe if he hadn’t seen it.
“Nah. Just need to get home. Eh, thanks I guess. I’ll see you around,” Gojyo tried to get up, holding onto the wall and the smashed remnants of the chair he’d been tied to, but his head still spun too much after the beating he took and his back felt kinda fucked up. The Sanzo priest rolled his eyes, grabbed him by the arm and steadied him when he swayed.
“Come on, we’ll walk you to whatever hole you live in.”
He was going to tell them not to take their shoes off at the door, because he forgot to sweep up – for about two years – but Sanzo took one look at his filthy floor and told the boy to keep the boots on. Gojyo offered the priest a beer, gave the boy the cake he got from the barmaids and went to the shower, leaving his clothes on the bedroom floor, as usual.
When he came back, clean and wet, wrapped in a towel, the cake was gone and the boy was sound asleep on his rumpled bed. The priestalready requisitioned another can from the fridge and was reading the clean bits of the newspaper the cake had been wrapped in.
“Sorry about the cake,” he said. “I tried to save you a piece, but that didn’t work out.”
“It’s okay, I don’t much like the sweets,” Gojyo took the seat opposite the priest and opened a can for himself. “The girls gave it to me for my birthday. I’m twenty today, yo. All growed up.”
Sanzo sneered and looked around for an ashtray, his cigarette carefully tilted so the ash wouldn’t fall off the end. Gojyo told him to use the damn empty if the floor was too good for His Holiness, stole a cig for himself from the priest’s pack and dragged on it heavily, pressed the cold can to his bruises and sighed with relief.
“This place is a fucking dump,” said Sanzo.
“Shove it, princess. The house isn’t that bad. Suits me fine. ”
Sanzo shook his head, staring disgustedly at the sticky grimy table.
“I mean,” said Gojyo, feeling weirdly sentimental. Birthdays were always a crappy time, even the ones when he didn’t get beaten up. “I don’t know - I think the older I get the less I give a shit. I survived, found a town where I can pass easily and make enough to get by, so what do I do now? It’s just so fucking boring. I still have maybe fifty years of this, and someone died so I could have it, and yeah, I’m grateful, but… Do you ever get like that?”
“No,” said Sanzo, too quickly and firmly, but Gojyo still believed him. “I’m not a filthy drifter like you. My life has a purpose.”
The boy turned and whimpered into the pillow. Sanzo cast him a concerned glance through the open bedroom door, but the fussing soon stopped, replaced byeven soft snores. Gojyo quietly smirked into his beer.
“I have a job to do,” the priest carried on. “And a quest to complete. I’ve no time to wallow in imaginary angst. Your self-pitying whining makes me want to puke, although maybe it’s just the smell of this place. You know, a lot of people would give their right arm to have what you have.”
“I know,” he said softly. “Didn’t mean to get heavy on you. Wanna play poker?”
(And sometimes in the dream the priest would say no, undo his breastplate, drop it on the floor and reach for Gojyo with his eager warm fingers smelling of gunpowder. But not always. Sometimes he would accept the offer, light another cigarette while Gojyo dealt, stare out of the window and listen to the quiet songs of night birds.)
“By the way,” Sanzo said. “You might have seen something out here in the woods. I’m looking for an escaped murderer. His name is -”
*-*-*
He woke up to the sleep-hazed knowledge that Hakkai was having a nightmare. The man was jerking in his lap, breathing fast and loudly gritting his teeth. Gojyo shook him awake and grinned down into is blank, confused face:
“Just a dream. You’re okay.”
“No, no,” mumbled Hakkai, treading his sleep-clumsy fingers through Gojyo's hair. “So much blood. Did I do this to you?”
“Ah hell, Hakkai, we’ve been over this already. I was born like this, all right?”
“Not really,” Hakkai stroke a finger dangerously close to his scars, and Gojyo wanted to flinch away, but the touch moved lowe, to brush tangled strands from his neck. “I don’t know. Maybe I have done this to you. We all meet for a reason. Time is a circle, and karma never rests, and there is no way of being certain. Perhaps that’s Mercy – could you forgive me if you knew?”
He looked up at Gojyo pleadingly, waiting for something, maybe for Gojyo to make some sense of all that babbling. Gojyo hugged him closer and rocked him gently, stroked his hair, trying to remember how Jien used to do it.
“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he murmured softly. “I’m here. I’ve got you, I’m here.”
Hakkai exhaled noisily and pressed his face into Gojyo’s palm.
“Maybe what I feel is my soul yearning to atone,” he said. His wet lips were moving right against Gojyo’s skin, words falling out like feather-light sloppy kisses.
Considering how he freaked out the last time sex was mentioned, Gojyo knew he should ignore that, and not pay any attention to his morning wood rubbing against Hakkai’s warm back, somewhere between his sharp, skinny shoulder blades. But Jien had always said sex was soothing. And he wanted to help – and, okay, who he was kidding, he really wanted to get off. Every hour in this place was just making him edgier and hornier, as if the stuffy air inside was spiked with rape drugs. Hakkai was staring up at him, so pretty even when this crazy and distraught, his cool palm curled against the side of Gojyo’s neck. And Hakkai’s cock was just there, he didn’t even have to move his hand, just shift his fingers…
“Senseeeeeeeeei!!!”
They both flinched. Hakkai’s face changed – it was like a lid snapping closed. Rich green warmth drained out of his eyes, turning them stone jade.
Kami bounced along the corridor, his arms flailing in a macabre cheerleader dance, grabbed Gojyo by the collar and tugged hard, shaking Hakkai off him.
“Sensei is coming! I need to tidy you away. Toys go into the toy chest…”
“What? Like I don’t spend enough time tied up around here, let go of me, asshole!”
“It’s okay, Gojyo,” Hakkai patiently uncurled Kami’s fingers from Gojyo’s clothing. “I’ll be with you.”
Kami’s toy chest turned out to be a huge empty room with tall stained glass windows. The images were clumsy, angular and too bright, and Gojyo couldn’t quite figure out who the mosaic people were and when they were doing, but knowing Kami that was likely for the best. Whatever was behind the glass, it wasn’t the outside. The light coming through was sharp and artificial, even coloured red, blue and gold as it pierced the faces and robes of the mystery glass folk.
Most of the floor was buried under a pile of toys, some broken or creatively mutilated, some still nice and shiny. There was even a little railroad circling the room in erratic loops, toy avalanches spilling over tracks here and there like corpses of train crash victims. Another horrible tragedy claims the lives of seven teddy bears and two rag dolls. Hakkai picked a spot where most toys in the top layer were plush beanies and they both stretched there, side by side, waiting.
The ceiling didn’t really exist. Above them, a domed roof narrowed into a black tunnel that had to, in theory, end somewhere under the roof, but it looked like an echoing abyss. Gojyo could almost see the distant stars there in the black if he squinted just so. Kami’s voice drifted down from the shaft it hysterically pitched bursts. The other’s voice was lower and didn’t carry as well.
“Who is this sensei guy anyway?”
“I don’t know, Gojyo. I’ve never met him face to face. His every visit goes like this, and I’m not sure if Kami is protecting his identity or me – well, us now.”
Kami’s squeals were getting louder, annoyingly regular. Yelp, yelp, laugh. Again, again, again.
“What the hell are they doing there? Sounds like they are screwing or something.”
“Hmm. They probably are. Kami likes men.”
“You mean - did he ever… With you?” Gojyo started cautiously, getting chills. He hadn’t thought Kami was the one who left Hakkai broken like this, but he could've been wrong.
“Oh, no, we’re not having sex. Well, perhaps, a long time ago, but I’m not quite sure that really had happened. You see, when I just got here, I was delirious most of the time. Fever from the injuries… among other things - ”
“He – shit, no. Tell me he didn’t fuck you while you were lying there wounded.”
“It wasn’t what you’re thinking,” said Hakkai quietly. His hand crept up to his stomach and pressed there, as if he was getting queasy. “I’m certain I’ve asked him to do that, at least once.”
“What?”
“I wanted to be violated.”
There was nothing to say to that. Gojyo shifted to get a tin soldier from under his back and stared upwards. Kami was laughing hard; it sounded like he was going to choke.
“Are you disgusted?”
“Nah. If you wanted it, it’s cool I guess. Different strokes and all that.”
“No, no,” Hakkai shook his head, dislodging a small beanie hare. It slid down and sprawled on the floor, helpless and smiling with his red stitched-on mouth.
“You see, when I ended up here, I thought it was Hell. This doesn’t look like any kind of reality, does it? I thought I was meant to be here. I thought I was going to be punished, the way I deserved. But of course that wasn’t what I deserved. If that was Hell, I wasn’t the tortured soul. I was one of its demons. It’s very fitting, don’t you think? To spend an eternity as a thing you despise the most, not atoning, not repenting, but sliding deeper and deeper into sin and madness. I welcomed it. Nothing less would be enough.”
“This isn’t Hell,” said Gojyo. He could feel goosebumps crawling down his arms. This wasn’t hell. This was just a lair of one fucked-up kid who knew some magic, and Hakkai was – he needed to get out of here. They both did.
“Oh, I know that now,” said Hakkai, smiling a little. “You don’t belong here. You are real. Everything about you is real, like blood, like life. Even in a place like this.”
He tipped his face to the ceiling and stared into the dark blindly, talking softly and quietly, as if in a trance.
“For a long time there was nothing I could trust. Everything I knew about the world, everything I knew about myself, it was all gone, ripped to pieces, burned to ash. But you exist, and you talk to me. I must still be real too. When I see my reflection in your eyes, I’m washed in red, but I’m there. When you touch me…”
He sighed, his eyes fluttering shut, and ran a palm down his fly. His fingers circled the outline of his cock, rubbed so lightly he probably hardly felt it. Gojyo bit down a moan, unwilling to make any sound that’d break the spell.
“When I’m with you, I feel like I could…” Hakkai muttered, and suddenly snatched his hand away and opened his eyes, blinking fast.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry. I spend so much time alone that I’ve lost all sense of propriety, and…”
“Shh, that’s okay,” Gojyo put a hand on his wrist and softly guided it back down. “Go ahead.”
“But…”
“Hey, what else is there to do to pass the time? We might as well blow off some steam while we wait for him to finish entertaining. I know I need it.”
Hakkai just stared at him, wide-eyed, his hand immobile in Gojyo’s grip, frozen in mid-air. Gojyo didn’t want to pull harder, and anyway it didn’t feel like he could arm-wrestle Hakkai with any degree of success.
“Come on,” he said. “Like you never jerked off with other guys as a kid.”
“Ah,” Hakkai seemed to relax a little. “That. I… I understand it’s a competitive activity in some way?”
“No, we’re not gonna race,” Gojyo let go of him and unzipped his pants with all the nonchalance he could muster. “We’re not brats. Let’s just… Have a good time, yeah?”
His dick ached in his hand, twitching impatiently when he pulled it out. He couldn’t even remember anymore how long it's been since the last time, but definitely too long. A single stroke was enough to bring him to full hardness, and if he squeezed just so – no, no, better make it last. Even without looking he could feel Hakkai’s eyes on him, like a hot breath on his skin. Gojyo wasn’t sure if he really would join in, but this was enough, lying close to him, imagining him watching. He let his head roll back and stroked, slow and easy, up and down the shaft, teasing at sensitive spots with his fingertips. He wanted to put on a show, make it look good. But then he heard Hakkai’s breathing hitch and speed up, and lost all the finesse, squeezed his eyes shut and thrust into his fist, suddenly desperate to come, shaking with it.
He was panting loudly, twisting his hips, thinking of Hakkai sprawled next to him, looking at him, looking at his cock. He nearly missed the quiet sound of zipper pulled open.
For several endless seconds he held back and didn’t look, giving Hakkai time to get into it and relax a little. Then he turned his head and opened his eyes. Hakkai’s mouth was just inches from his, lips parted and quivering, flushed dark, as if he’s been biting them. He was looking down, his gaze glued to the movements of Gojyo’s fingers. His pants were opened, white boxers pushed down. His hand curled around the root of his cock and gripped it firmly, like a loaded gun. It was hard and thick, angry red at the tip. Gojyo’s throat made a gasping sound, and Hakkai’s darkened eyes flicked to his.
“This is rather awkward,” Hakkai mumbled. A pink pretty flush was spreading high on his cheeks. “I can’t believe you really did this with other children.”
“Wasn’t the same,” Gojyo confessed. “Oh fuck, you, oh. You look good.”
He stroked himself again, dragged his fingers over the underside of his cock. Hakkai did that too, mirroring his movements precisely, as if it was Gojyo’s hand on him, caressing his skin. And it was so easy to imagine just that. Gojyo stared at Hakkai’s fingers dancing gently over the soft head of his cock, pulling his foreskin back, squeezing the shaft, following his every direction and letting him set the pace.
He sped up, getting close again, and Hakkai moaned and started fucking his fist in tight short thrusts, a little out of sync with him now, too carried away to keep up.
“Oh god, what are we doing,” Hakkai smiled and covered his face with his free hand, but didn’t slow down. His narrow hips were moving, moving, and Gojyo was dying to touch him, to feel his muscles flex and strain.
“I guess… nngh… it is kinda crazy. Feels good though, yeah?”
“Feels amazing,” said Hakkai. His voice was low and thick, and it did things to Gojyo’s cock, as tangible as a wet lick on his skin. “Not crazy at all. Very sane. Oh, Gojyo.”
He twisted his wrist and rubbed his thumb underneath the head, and now Gojyo did the same, trying it out. So this is how Hakkai liked it. This is what he would do…
His cock was starting to chafe in his dry palm, but he didn’t want to stop even to add some spit, just jerked himself harder and watched, trying not to blink so he wouldn’t miss a thing. Hakkai spread his thighs and groaned, his back arched, his left hand sliding down to cup his balls.
“Gojyo,” Hakkai said and rolled onto his side to face him. Tiny drops of sweat were beading above his upper lip, and he licked them away, just as Gojyo imagined doing that, swiping his tongue across Hakkai’s sexy panting mouth. “Gojyo, do you still want me?”
“Ohh, fuck, yeah, I do,” he moaned, clumsily trying to push up and move closer. The toys were sliding underneath him, not giving any good purchase. He wanted to do everything at once – shed his pants, touch Hakkai’s face, twist around so he could get his lips on Hakkai’s thick, gorgeous cock and feel how hot it would be in his mouth. All his blood was thrumming in his ears and his dick and he couldn’t think at all.
Hakkai let go of his cock and curled that hand around Gojyo’s, gently and carefully. It was hot from the friction and a little damp with sweat. Hakkai tightened his grip, exhaled happily, and stroked up, palming the head. And to his dismay Gojyo was coming already, spilling long streaks over Hakkai’s wrist and the lines of his palm and a shocked terrycloth face of a small teddy bear next to Hakkai’s hip.
Hakkai let go of him and brought his wet hand back to his own erection, rubbing Gojyo’s come into his skin, moaning softly, pumping his hips in short jerky thrusts.
“Wait, wait,” pleaded Gojyo. His ears were still ringing from the power of that orgasm, but this was too hot, and he wanted to take part. “Gimme another minute, I’ll be good to go again. Just a second, really, I’m...”
Hakkai let out a short content laugh, sunk his left hand into Gojyo’s hair and pulled him closer. Gojyo flung his arm around Hakkai’s neck and leaned into it, aching for him, wanting to taste his mouth. A horrified realisation that he hadn’t brushed his teeth in a very long time skittered briefly across his mind, and then the tip of Hakkai’s tongue slid wetly between his lips and it felt so good, even more real somehow than Hakkai’s hand on his cock.
The doors banged open, and Kami stepped into the room, his lips pressed together in a thin line. A couple of dozen red beads were swirling slowly around his head like a bloody halo. Gojyo jerked upright, snagged the stained teddy bear and pressed it against his crotchto cover himself.
“Give me that,” said Kami.
“What the fuck are you doing here, asshole, can’t you knock?”
“Give me that bear,” Kami pointed at the toy in Gojyo’s lap. “Now.”
“What? No way! What’s wrong with you?”
“Just give him the bear, Gojyo,” said Hakkai in that unnaturally calm voice that meant trouble. “And then he will leave, isn’t that right, Kami-kun?”
“I’m not talking to you,” Kami said. “I want this bear. Give it to me.”
Gojyo swore and threw the poor sodden thing at Kami’s face. The blond caught it neatly, turned on his bare heel and left, padding softly on the stone floor. The doors slammed shut behind his back, and the locks clicked into place somewhere deep inside the thick metal.
“What in the fucking hell was that?”
“I don’t know,” Hakkai said, staring after Kami and frowning. His erection was gone completely, and his cock curled against his thigh, small and soft, just barely peeking out of his underwear. “But we really have to get you out of here.”
TBC
Title: Gingerbread Castle
Fandom: Saiyuki
Spoilers: Through Burial
Summary and warnings: Alternative timeline in which Gojyo isn't the one who finds wounded Gonou in the woods. NC-17 for m/m and general creepiness.
Many thanks to
hibem for beta!Part one
Part two
The spare ribs were cold, dry and sticky, covered in clumps of congealed fat. After all the chocolate meat had no appeal, not that he would even risk eating the meat that Kami brought from hell knows where. Instead he cleaned up the tray Hakkai brought for him, stuffing sweets in his mouth indiscriminately. Sugar made him shaky and giddy, and the little pink marshmallows swelled up in his stomach, making him full like after a good meal.
“Let’s go give this to the hungry tiger,” he said and picked up the greasy takeout bag. Hakkai frowned, shrugged and took him down a winding corridor to the dark room with a large stinky cage.
The tiger was half-tamed, like a guard dog. It growled and snapped at them through the bars till it got a taste of food, and then mellowed out enough to let them pet it a little. Gojyo buried his fingers in long, kitten-soft fur under the tiger’s jaw and scratched, trying to make it purr. The tiger endured that for a while, whipped its tail against the floor and stalked deeper into the cage for an aftermeal nap.
“That was extremely dangerous,” said Hakkai. “But it seems to like you.”
“I’ve never seen one this big.”
“It’s a Bengal variety. From India, I believe. Our landlord gave it to Kami as a present when it was only a cub. He used to play with it and let it run free until it stopped being cute.”
“Huh,” Gojyo said, eyeing tiger’s slick striped back. It was still a beautiful beast, even underfed and slow from the lack of exercise. The bones piled in the corner of the cage – white, gnawed clean, with unmistakable round skulls – didn’t give him the chills like he expected. After all, a tiger’s gotta do what a tiger’s gotta do.
“Are you tired? If you feel up to walking some more, I could show you around the place.”
They wandered around, shoulder to shoulder, from one ridiculously large room to another, turning corners at random, up and down narrow steps. Hakkai didn’t provide much of a running commentary, apart from pointing out bathrooms and warning him about weird traps that were littered everywhere – spikes shooting from the ceiling, trapdoors opening into chilly darkness, rooms with moving walls designed to squish the occupants into paste. Gojyo tried to memorise the triggers, but the whole place was like a demented maze: corridors kept turning on themselves over and over, staircases neatly deposited them back where started climbing, and all those bare rooms with monotonous wall carvings could actually be the same room they kept ending up in wherever they went. He wasn’t so sure Hakkai knew where they were going any better than he did – when they walked through the dining room for the third time, the guy looked pretty surprised.
When his knees went from sore and weak to stiff and throbbing Gojyo sat on the nearest step for a little rest, and Hakkai knelt next to him, massaging his
swollen joints and washing magic over them. His touches were light and cool, just what Gojyo’s tight itchy new skin wanted.
“So, you’re not worried that learning the lay of the land will help me escape?” he asked, watching the green glow build between Hakkai’s fingers and fade as in sunk into his flesh.
“Are you learning anything?”
“Not really,” he admitted. He was more confused than before, which was probably the point.
“The only exit is through the main stairs. It’s quite possible to pass through the fog, although it can be an overwhelming experience. But beyond that the castle is surrounded by a barrier. It cannot be forced – in fact it can’t even be reached, much like a horizon. Perhaps a high priest could dispel it. We can’t.”
He glanced up through his messy bangs, and Gojyo once again was startled by the deep green of his eyes and tight, mournful set of his mouth.
“I want you to escape, Gojyo,” Hakkai said. “I can’t protect you forever in here.”
“What? I don’t need any protection, who do you think I am? That one time I just freaked out a little.”
Yeah, and then he ate some pink marshmallows and got ready to kick psycho god-wannabe ass like nobody’s business. He sighed, thinking of strategies. Strangling the skinny blond freak in his bed seemed like a great idea, but really too disgusting to seriously contemplate.
“We should both leave here, anyway,” he said. “Sooner the better. Let’s face it, this place is no fun.”
“I have nowhere to go,” mumbled Hakkai distantly, hunching over till the ends of his hair brushed Gojyo’s lap. Gojyo had to fist his hands at his sides to make sure he didn’t reach out and touch the dark silky strands, or Hakkai’s long slim neck, or the limiters on his ear.
“S’okay, you can come with me. Ever been to Southern Chang’An? You’ll like it. We have everything, you name it: bars, girls, gambling joints, uh, libraries.We can rent a place real cheap once we get there – where are we, anyways?”
“I’m not sure. Chang’An is to the East. Considerably far, I imagine.”
“Well, whatever, we’ll get there. We can winter in some village. Two freaking gorgeous guys in our prime, we’ll be welcome anywhere.”
“Yes,” said Hakkai with a smile, still crouching at his feet. “We could work in the fields, it’s about the time for the harvest. Or we could help out at the local school. You’ll be popular with all the girls, no doubt, and I always preferred the rural lifestyle myself. The houses are quite inexpensive West of Chan’An. We could buy a small derelict place, fix it up, make it a home.”
It was just like listening to a bedtime story in the dark of the room he used to share with Jien. His brother would smile just like that, dreamy and sad, faking it shamelessly because little stupid Gojyo wouldn’t be able to tell, and weave long, rambling tales that always ended well. And they lived happily ever after, the prince and his knights and all their pet dragons.
“So, you’re not coming,” Gojyo said, not even trying to make it a question.
“No.”
Gojyo nodded and turned away, because looking at Hakkai suddenly got to be a little too much. But there was nothing else to rest his eyes on. Just walls, walls, broken toys scattered around, more walls.
“How come there are no windows?” he asked.
“There used to be some. But we sealed them. There is nothing out there anyway - just trees and rain.”
“It’s not raining,” Gojyo said. He could usually tell. When he was ten his wrist got broken pretty badly, and now it worked as his own personal barometer.
“Isn’t it?” Hakkai tilted his head, listening. The silence was so thick and heavy that every breath Gojyo took sounded deafening to him. “Ah. Perhaps you’re right.”
“Let’s go outside, check it out,” he suggested. “We’ll both go nuts if we stay cooped up like this.”
“Oh, I don’t do that. I’ve only left the castle once, to bury my sister, and even that didn’t work out. But if you want some fresh air, I can take you to the roof. The view should be quite spectacular.”
Gojyo could’ve asked him a lot of questions. Of course he could. But Hakkai clearly had enough to deal with already, he didn’t need any stray hanyos pumping him for attention and information. Gojyo learned quite early on to take exactly as much as he was offered, and that turned out to be a very useful skill.
“How high’s this place?” he asked instead.
“Thirteen floors. But we’ll take the elevator.”
There was still a long flight of stairs from the elevator landing to the narrow, padlocked door that led to the roof. Gojyo managed to climb about five steps before his knees started to shake badly, refusing to haul his weight up any longer.
“Let’s have a little rest,” said Hakkai, tugging him on the sleeve, but Gojyo pulled free and swayed forward, ready to crawl up on all fours. He could almost smell the sunlight, the wind and the trees, and he couldn’t wait a second longer. Weird – he’d never been much of an outdoors person.
Hakkai caught him, ducked under his arm, took all Gojyo’s weight on his shoulder and dragged him up the stairs, barely letting his feet touch stone. His back was narrow and bony, vertebras poking hard into Gojyo’s side, but he could get used to this. Really easily.
“You have the key? Tell me you got the key,” he panted, determined to refrain from groping, too shaky anyway with pain and anticipation.
“No, of course I don’t,” Hakkai kicked at the door, hard, enough to make the hinges pop out of the wood, and backed off as soon as the door opened a crack, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. “There. He’ll probably get upset, but I’ll calm him down if it comes to that. I’ll wait for you here. Take your time.”
The sun hit Gojyo’s skin, mercilessly bright after the dim of the castle, and then the sharp pine forest air filled his chest, making him light like a balloon, like he could float off the roof any second now unless he held onto something. He made his way to the edge, manoeuvring between puddles, broken branches and streaks of bird shit, and sat down, dangling his legs over the guttering pipe.
The lush, dense forest was swaying and bowing to the wind far, far down below his feet. It probably looked like a stormy sea, except Gojyo’d never seen one and couldn’t be sure. To him this looked like a green coat of a huge, huge dog, petted by a rough, careless hand. Wind stroked the treetops in broad swipes, drawing darker trails in the green, andthe patterns got swept away by another sharp gust.
He could see the barrier Hakkai told him about. Not far away from the castle something was breaking the rocking motion of the green waves, making them ripple and change direction just a little. That line ran around the whole place in a perfect circle, like their own stunted little horizon. Gojyo wondered if the birds could see and cross it, and how it felt for them – cold fingers in their feathers, sudden swirl of nothing under their wings - and could they find their way out again, and if they even cared at all. He wiggled his naked toes, critically surveying the castle wall. It was aged, covered in cracks and ivy. He could probably skim it and go check that barrier out. But if it was really as unbreakable as Hakkai said that would be a waste of time, and he was in no shape to do any climbing and hiking just for the hell of it. Also, Hakkai was waiting for him to come back.
He scowled at that thought, suddenly dying to get out. The forest looked so thick from above, like he could just jump off the roof and softly bounce off the green, slide between the leaves and leave all this behind. The beads, and the tiger, and Kami’s crazy laugh, and Hakkai’s distant fragile smiles, and this fucking weird compulsion to do something about it, to make it all better, and the cold knowledge that nothing he could do would mean a thing.
He sat on the tiled roof till his ass went numb, just watching the sun lean westward and letting the wind hopelessly tangle up his hair. If he had any smokes on him this wouldn’t be any worse than hanging out somewhere around the market, soaking up the town gossip, leering at the passing girls and waiting for the bars to start opening. Okay, there were no girls here, but at least – fresh air, scent of pine, peace and quiet.
He got up, spat down into the abyss under his feet, just because you were supposed to do that sort of thing, walked back to the broken door and stuck his head inside.
“Hey, Hakkai? Come here, it’s nice out. Not raining or anything. Hakkai?”
Hakkai was sprawled face down at the bottom of the staircase, still and limp, his hair spilling over dusty stone. Gojyo barrelled down, hardly feeling any pain, jumping over four steps at once, rolled the body over and clenched his teeth, bracing for the worst.
He was asleep. That bastard was actually sleeping, so soundly that he barely stirred at all the manhandling. He rubbed his cheek against Gojyo’s wrist and snuggled closer to him, murmuring something nonsensical.
“You scared me, you jerk,” said Gojyo, glad that Hakkai wouldn’t hear him.
“Gojyo,” Hakkai mumbled and curled against him, and Gojyo couldn’t really stay mad any longer.
“Let’s go put you in bed,” he said and tried to pull them both up, but Hakkai gripped his hands and rolled his head against stone, still not all the way awake and firmly refusing to be.
“No beds. Can’t.”
“Come on, you’re not really a monk, you can sleep in a high bed.”
“Can’t. Beds are too empty. Here’s good,” he burrowed his face into Gojyo’s lap, yawned once and started quietly snoring almost straight away. Probably faking it, but what the hell. Gojyo settled against the wall, cradled the man closer and watched him doze for a while, and then he must have drifted off himself. Too much fresh air always made him feel tired.
*_*_*
“Idiot,” said the priest, reloading his gun. “I should shoot you too and put you out of your misery.”
He was so pretty, slight and angry and glowing brighter than the silver of his revolver, brighter than the moonlight pouring through the windows from the suddenly cloudless sky.
“Tempting,” drawled Gojyo and scratched at the rope burns on his arms. “I wouldn’t mind a better look at your gun, Sanzo-sama.”
“The hell were you doing, messing with guys like that? You’re a card shark, right? The smallest fry. This is out of your league, cockroach.”
(Back then he had said something smartass, lewd and cool that had made the priest twitch, but in every single dream about that night he told him the truth, and every single time it sounded impossibly pathetic.)
“…I had to. I had to give him the chance. Didn’t matter he wasn’t coming back for me. He’s my friend, you know? Asshole as he is, he’s still the best friend I have.”
But even in the dreams pretty blond Sanzo never looked at him with pity, and Gojyo liked that about him. Liked other things about him, too.
“Mister, you’re all bleeding. Do you need to see a doctor?” asked the cute little squirt that came with the priest and kicked some thief ass like Gojyo wouldn’t believe if he hadn’t seen it.
“Nah. Just need to get home. Eh, thanks I guess. I’ll see you around,” Gojyo tried to get up, holding onto the wall and the smashed remnants of the chair he’d been tied to, but his head still spun too much after the beating he took and his back felt kinda fucked up. The Sanzo priest rolled his eyes, grabbed him by the arm and steadied him when he swayed.
“Come on, we’ll walk you to whatever hole you live in.”
He was going to tell them not to take their shoes off at the door, because he forgot to sweep up – for about two years – but Sanzo took one look at his filthy floor and told the boy to keep the boots on. Gojyo offered the priest a beer, gave the boy the cake he got from the barmaids and went to the shower, leaving his clothes on the bedroom floor, as usual.
When he came back, clean and wet, wrapped in a towel, the cake was gone and the boy was sound asleep on his rumpled bed. The priestalready requisitioned another can from the fridge and was reading the clean bits of the newspaper the cake had been wrapped in.
“Sorry about the cake,” he said. “I tried to save you a piece, but that didn’t work out.”
“It’s okay, I don’t much like the sweets,” Gojyo took the seat opposite the priest and opened a can for himself. “The girls gave it to me for my birthday. I’m twenty today, yo. All growed up.”
Sanzo sneered and looked around for an ashtray, his cigarette carefully tilted so the ash wouldn’t fall off the end. Gojyo told him to use the damn empty if the floor was too good for His Holiness, stole a cig for himself from the priest’s pack and dragged on it heavily, pressed the cold can to his bruises and sighed with relief.
“This place is a fucking dump,” said Sanzo.
“Shove it, princess. The house isn’t that bad. Suits me fine. ”
Sanzo shook his head, staring disgustedly at the sticky grimy table.
“I mean,” said Gojyo, feeling weirdly sentimental. Birthdays were always a crappy time, even the ones when he didn’t get beaten up. “I don’t know - I think the older I get the less I give a shit. I survived, found a town where I can pass easily and make enough to get by, so what do I do now? It’s just so fucking boring. I still have maybe fifty years of this, and someone died so I could have it, and yeah, I’m grateful, but… Do you ever get like that?”
“No,” said Sanzo, too quickly and firmly, but Gojyo still believed him. “I’m not a filthy drifter like you. My life has a purpose.”
The boy turned and whimpered into the pillow. Sanzo cast him a concerned glance through the open bedroom door, but the fussing soon stopped, replaced byeven soft snores. Gojyo quietly smirked into his beer.
“I have a job to do,” the priest carried on. “And a quest to complete. I’ve no time to wallow in imaginary angst. Your self-pitying whining makes me want to puke, although maybe it’s just the smell of this place. You know, a lot of people would give their right arm to have what you have.”
“I know,” he said softly. “Didn’t mean to get heavy on you. Wanna play poker?”
(And sometimes in the dream the priest would say no, undo his breastplate, drop it on the floor and reach for Gojyo with his eager warm fingers smelling of gunpowder. But not always. Sometimes he would accept the offer, light another cigarette while Gojyo dealt, stare out of the window and listen to the quiet songs of night birds.)
“By the way,” Sanzo said. “You might have seen something out here in the woods. I’m looking for an escaped murderer. His name is -”
*-*-*
He woke up to the sleep-hazed knowledge that Hakkai was having a nightmare. The man was jerking in his lap, breathing fast and loudly gritting his teeth. Gojyo shook him awake and grinned down into is blank, confused face:
“Just a dream. You’re okay.”
“No, no,” mumbled Hakkai, treading his sleep-clumsy fingers through Gojyo's hair. “So much blood. Did I do this to you?”
“Ah hell, Hakkai, we’ve been over this already. I was born like this, all right?”
“Not really,” Hakkai stroke a finger dangerously close to his scars, and Gojyo wanted to flinch away, but the touch moved lowe, to brush tangled strands from his neck. “I don’t know. Maybe I have done this to you. We all meet for a reason. Time is a circle, and karma never rests, and there is no way of being certain. Perhaps that’s Mercy – could you forgive me if you knew?”
He looked up at Gojyo pleadingly, waiting for something, maybe for Gojyo to make some sense of all that babbling. Gojyo hugged him closer and rocked him gently, stroked his hair, trying to remember how Jien used to do it.
“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he murmured softly. “I’m here. I’ve got you, I’m here.”
Hakkai exhaled noisily and pressed his face into Gojyo’s palm.
“Maybe what I feel is my soul yearning to atone,” he said. His wet lips were moving right against Gojyo’s skin, words falling out like feather-light sloppy kisses.
Considering how he freaked out the last time sex was mentioned, Gojyo knew he should ignore that, and not pay any attention to his morning wood rubbing against Hakkai’s warm back, somewhere between his sharp, skinny shoulder blades. But Jien had always said sex was soothing. And he wanted to help – and, okay, who he was kidding, he really wanted to get off. Every hour in this place was just making him edgier and hornier, as if the stuffy air inside was spiked with rape drugs. Hakkai was staring up at him, so pretty even when this crazy and distraught, his cool palm curled against the side of Gojyo’s neck. And Hakkai’s cock was just there, he didn’t even have to move his hand, just shift his fingers…
“Senseeeeeeeeei!!!”
They both flinched. Hakkai’s face changed – it was like a lid snapping closed. Rich green warmth drained out of his eyes, turning them stone jade.
Kami bounced along the corridor, his arms flailing in a macabre cheerleader dance, grabbed Gojyo by the collar and tugged hard, shaking Hakkai off him.
“Sensei is coming! I need to tidy you away. Toys go into the toy chest…”
“What? Like I don’t spend enough time tied up around here, let go of me, asshole!”
“It’s okay, Gojyo,” Hakkai patiently uncurled Kami’s fingers from Gojyo’s clothing. “I’ll be with you.”
Kami’s toy chest turned out to be a huge empty room with tall stained glass windows. The images were clumsy, angular and too bright, and Gojyo couldn’t quite figure out who the mosaic people were and when they were doing, but knowing Kami that was likely for the best. Whatever was behind the glass, it wasn’t the outside. The light coming through was sharp and artificial, even coloured red, blue and gold as it pierced the faces and robes of the mystery glass folk.
Most of the floor was buried under a pile of toys, some broken or creatively mutilated, some still nice and shiny. There was even a little railroad circling the room in erratic loops, toy avalanches spilling over tracks here and there like corpses of train crash victims. Another horrible tragedy claims the lives of seven teddy bears and two rag dolls. Hakkai picked a spot where most toys in the top layer were plush beanies and they both stretched there, side by side, waiting.
The ceiling didn’t really exist. Above them, a domed roof narrowed into a black tunnel that had to, in theory, end somewhere under the roof, but it looked like an echoing abyss. Gojyo could almost see the distant stars there in the black if he squinted just so. Kami’s voice drifted down from the shaft it hysterically pitched bursts. The other’s voice was lower and didn’t carry as well.
“Who is this sensei guy anyway?”
“I don’t know, Gojyo. I’ve never met him face to face. His every visit goes like this, and I’m not sure if Kami is protecting his identity or me – well, us now.”
Kami’s squeals were getting louder, annoyingly regular. Yelp, yelp, laugh. Again, again, again.
“What the hell are they doing there? Sounds like they are screwing or something.”
“Hmm. They probably are. Kami likes men.”
“You mean - did he ever… With you?” Gojyo started cautiously, getting chills. He hadn’t thought Kami was the one who left Hakkai broken like this, but he could've been wrong.
“Oh, no, we’re not having sex. Well, perhaps, a long time ago, but I’m not quite sure that really had happened. You see, when I just got here, I was delirious most of the time. Fever from the injuries… among other things - ”
“He – shit, no. Tell me he didn’t fuck you while you were lying there wounded.”
“It wasn’t what you’re thinking,” said Hakkai quietly. His hand crept up to his stomach and pressed there, as if he was getting queasy. “I’m certain I’ve asked him to do that, at least once.”
“What?”
“I wanted to be violated.”
There was nothing to say to that. Gojyo shifted to get a tin soldier from under his back and stared upwards. Kami was laughing hard; it sounded like he was going to choke.
“Are you disgusted?”
“Nah. If you wanted it, it’s cool I guess. Different strokes and all that.”
“No, no,” Hakkai shook his head, dislodging a small beanie hare. It slid down and sprawled on the floor, helpless and smiling with his red stitched-on mouth.
“You see, when I ended up here, I thought it was Hell. This doesn’t look like any kind of reality, does it? I thought I was meant to be here. I thought I was going to be punished, the way I deserved. But of course that wasn’t what I deserved. If that was Hell, I wasn’t the tortured soul. I was one of its demons. It’s very fitting, don’t you think? To spend an eternity as a thing you despise the most, not atoning, not repenting, but sliding deeper and deeper into sin and madness. I welcomed it. Nothing less would be enough.”
“This isn’t Hell,” said Gojyo. He could feel goosebumps crawling down his arms. This wasn’t hell. This was just a lair of one fucked-up kid who knew some magic, and Hakkai was – he needed to get out of here. They both did.
“Oh, I know that now,” said Hakkai, smiling a little. “You don’t belong here. You are real. Everything about you is real, like blood, like life. Even in a place like this.”
He tipped his face to the ceiling and stared into the dark blindly, talking softly and quietly, as if in a trance.
“For a long time there was nothing I could trust. Everything I knew about the world, everything I knew about myself, it was all gone, ripped to pieces, burned to ash. But you exist, and you talk to me. I must still be real too. When I see my reflection in your eyes, I’m washed in red, but I’m there. When you touch me…”
He sighed, his eyes fluttering shut, and ran a palm down his fly. His fingers circled the outline of his cock, rubbed so lightly he probably hardly felt it. Gojyo bit down a moan, unwilling to make any sound that’d break the spell.
“When I’m with you, I feel like I could…” Hakkai muttered, and suddenly snatched his hand away and opened his eyes, blinking fast.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry. I spend so much time alone that I’ve lost all sense of propriety, and…”
“Shh, that’s okay,” Gojyo put a hand on his wrist and softly guided it back down. “Go ahead.”
“But…”
“Hey, what else is there to do to pass the time? We might as well blow off some steam while we wait for him to finish entertaining. I know I need it.”
Hakkai just stared at him, wide-eyed, his hand immobile in Gojyo’s grip, frozen in mid-air. Gojyo didn’t want to pull harder, and anyway it didn’t feel like he could arm-wrestle Hakkai with any degree of success.
“Come on,” he said. “Like you never jerked off with other guys as a kid.”
“Ah,” Hakkai seemed to relax a little. “That. I… I understand it’s a competitive activity in some way?”
“No, we’re not gonna race,” Gojyo let go of him and unzipped his pants with all the nonchalance he could muster. “We’re not brats. Let’s just… Have a good time, yeah?”
His dick ached in his hand, twitching impatiently when he pulled it out. He couldn’t even remember anymore how long it's been since the last time, but definitely too long. A single stroke was enough to bring him to full hardness, and if he squeezed just so – no, no, better make it last. Even without looking he could feel Hakkai’s eyes on him, like a hot breath on his skin. Gojyo wasn’t sure if he really would join in, but this was enough, lying close to him, imagining him watching. He let his head roll back and stroked, slow and easy, up and down the shaft, teasing at sensitive spots with his fingertips. He wanted to put on a show, make it look good. But then he heard Hakkai’s breathing hitch and speed up, and lost all the finesse, squeezed his eyes shut and thrust into his fist, suddenly desperate to come, shaking with it.
He was panting loudly, twisting his hips, thinking of Hakkai sprawled next to him, looking at him, looking at his cock. He nearly missed the quiet sound of zipper pulled open.
For several endless seconds he held back and didn’t look, giving Hakkai time to get into it and relax a little. Then he turned his head and opened his eyes. Hakkai’s mouth was just inches from his, lips parted and quivering, flushed dark, as if he’s been biting them. He was looking down, his gaze glued to the movements of Gojyo’s fingers. His pants were opened, white boxers pushed down. His hand curled around the root of his cock and gripped it firmly, like a loaded gun. It was hard and thick, angry red at the tip. Gojyo’s throat made a gasping sound, and Hakkai’s darkened eyes flicked to his.
“This is rather awkward,” Hakkai mumbled. A pink pretty flush was spreading high on his cheeks. “I can’t believe you really did this with other children.”
“Wasn’t the same,” Gojyo confessed. “Oh fuck, you, oh. You look good.”
He stroked himself again, dragged his fingers over the underside of his cock. Hakkai did that too, mirroring his movements precisely, as if it was Gojyo’s hand on him, caressing his skin. And it was so easy to imagine just that. Gojyo stared at Hakkai’s fingers dancing gently over the soft head of his cock, pulling his foreskin back, squeezing the shaft, following his every direction and letting him set the pace.
He sped up, getting close again, and Hakkai moaned and started fucking his fist in tight short thrusts, a little out of sync with him now, too carried away to keep up.
“Oh god, what are we doing,” Hakkai smiled and covered his face with his free hand, but didn’t slow down. His narrow hips were moving, moving, and Gojyo was dying to touch him, to feel his muscles flex and strain.
“I guess… nngh… it is kinda crazy. Feels good though, yeah?”
“Feels amazing,” said Hakkai. His voice was low and thick, and it did things to Gojyo’s cock, as tangible as a wet lick on his skin. “Not crazy at all. Very sane. Oh, Gojyo.”
He twisted his wrist and rubbed his thumb underneath the head, and now Gojyo did the same, trying it out. So this is how Hakkai liked it. This is what he would do…
His cock was starting to chafe in his dry palm, but he didn’t want to stop even to add some spit, just jerked himself harder and watched, trying not to blink so he wouldn’t miss a thing. Hakkai spread his thighs and groaned, his back arched, his left hand sliding down to cup his balls.
“Gojyo,” Hakkai said and rolled onto his side to face him. Tiny drops of sweat were beading above his upper lip, and he licked them away, just as Gojyo imagined doing that, swiping his tongue across Hakkai’s sexy panting mouth. “Gojyo, do you still want me?”
“Ohh, fuck, yeah, I do,” he moaned, clumsily trying to push up and move closer. The toys were sliding underneath him, not giving any good purchase. He wanted to do everything at once – shed his pants, touch Hakkai’s face, twist around so he could get his lips on Hakkai’s thick, gorgeous cock and feel how hot it would be in his mouth. All his blood was thrumming in his ears and his dick and he couldn’t think at all.
Hakkai let go of his cock and curled that hand around Gojyo’s, gently and carefully. It was hot from the friction and a little damp with sweat. Hakkai tightened his grip, exhaled happily, and stroked up, palming the head. And to his dismay Gojyo was coming already, spilling long streaks over Hakkai’s wrist and the lines of his palm and a shocked terrycloth face of a small teddy bear next to Hakkai’s hip.
Hakkai let go of him and brought his wet hand back to his own erection, rubbing Gojyo’s come into his skin, moaning softly, pumping his hips in short jerky thrusts.
“Wait, wait,” pleaded Gojyo. His ears were still ringing from the power of that orgasm, but this was too hot, and he wanted to take part. “Gimme another minute, I’ll be good to go again. Just a second, really, I’m...”
Hakkai let out a short content laugh, sunk his left hand into Gojyo’s hair and pulled him closer. Gojyo flung his arm around Hakkai’s neck and leaned into it, aching for him, wanting to taste his mouth. A horrified realisation that he hadn’t brushed his teeth in a very long time skittered briefly across his mind, and then the tip of Hakkai’s tongue slid wetly between his lips and it felt so good, even more real somehow than Hakkai’s hand on his cock.
The doors banged open, and Kami stepped into the room, his lips pressed together in a thin line. A couple of dozen red beads were swirling slowly around his head like a bloody halo. Gojyo jerked upright, snagged the stained teddy bear and pressed it against his crotchto cover himself.
“Give me that,” said Kami.
“What the fuck are you doing here, asshole, can’t you knock?”
“Give me that bear,” Kami pointed at the toy in Gojyo’s lap. “Now.”
“What? No way! What’s wrong with you?”
“Just give him the bear, Gojyo,” said Hakkai in that unnaturally calm voice that meant trouble. “And then he will leave, isn’t that right, Kami-kun?”
“I’m not talking to you,” Kami said. “I want this bear. Give it to me.”
Gojyo swore and threw the poor sodden thing at Kami’s face. The blond caught it neatly, turned on his bare heel and left, padding softly on the stone floor. The doors slammed shut behind his back, and the locks clicked into place somewhere deep inside the thick metal.
“What in the fucking hell was that?”
“I don’t know,” Hakkai said, staring after Kami and frowning. His erection was gone completely, and his cock curled against his thigh, small and soft, just barely peeking out of his underwear. “But we really have to get you out of here.”
TBC
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Date: 2007-08-06 02:40 am (UTC)still hakkai as gretel makes my smile a little wry
but gojyo as .... hanse makes for interesting parallels in the saiyuki style, and the psychological undertones (or do i mean overtones) are simply .... for the lack of another word... fascinating.
i can hardly wait for the next one.
this fic packs a punch
no subject
Date: 2007-08-06 06:51 am (UTC)Ура!
Date: 2007-08-09 11:44 pm (UTC)btw. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Date: 2007-08-10 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-12 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-25 04:59 am (UTC)Wow, I was actually frightened for Hakkai and Gojyo when Kami burst in on the two of them - I mean, my heart skipped a beat. This is fantastic. But you've got me so worried about them ... I keep thinking of the old nanny saw that Gaiman likes to quote, about when kids get carried away playing: "It will all end in tears."