[personal profile] new_kate
Warnings: Crude language. Dirtiness. PG-13.
Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] hibem for betaing!




They'd had a really long and tiring day. That must have been the only explanation.

It had started raining sometime around midnight, and hadn’t stopped yet. The road was treacherous and slippery, and even with all of Hakkai’s help it was taking a lot out of Jiip just to stay on track and drive safely. Besides, the little guy had always strongly disliked getting wet. Hakkai’s fingers were freezing on the steering wheel; Sanzo’s cigarette kept going out, and he swore continuously, restlessly shifting in his seat. Neither of them had gotten enough sleep last night, and now the exhaustion was pressing heavily on them. For once Hakkai had to agree that the never-ending scuffle on the back seat really was extremely annoying.

When they finally arrived at the inn, Jiip petulantly dumped them and their luggage into a puddle by the porch and crawled under Hakkai’s shirt where he curled up in a shivering ball, nursing his cold little feet against Hakkai’s stomach. They were too tired for the daunting task of booking rooms and changing into dry clothes, so they settled in the bar and began ordering hot sake in rather unreasonable quantities. Even Goku was allowed a couple of sips as cold-preventive medicine. Jiip was lapping warm milk from a saucer, purring a little, and the first course of their meal was being served already. It was going to be a nice, peaceful evening of well-deserved rest.

And then the mud-wrestling contest started.

“What the fuck is that?” Sanzo asked incredulously, staring at the contestants grappling inside the roped-off enclosure. “Not muddy enough outside for their taste?”

“That looks kinda fun,” sighed Goku wistfully. “We didn’t get to fight anyone all day. My legs are totally stiff.”

“I’m afraid no minors are allowed to enter the contest,” said one of the waiters, leaning in much closer than he needed to gather the empty classes. “Everyone else is very welcome though. I’m sure we’d all love you to participate.”

Sanzo shot him a venomous glare, a little softened by all the alcohol he drunk on an empty stomach. Gojyo craned his neck to get a better look at the ring.

“Shouldn’t this be more… y’know… done by a couple of topless babes?”

“They are topless,” said the waiter cheerfully. “Would you like to have a try? The registration is only a twenty, and the winner takes it all.”

One of the wrestlers slipped and flopped down, splashing the mud at the spectators. His opponent straddled him rather inefficiently, allowing his captive to buckle and squirm between his thighs. The crowd, which consisted almost exclusively of young burly males, cheered loudly.

“I don’t think so,” Gojyo said a little bit too reluctantly. A lovely blush was already spreading over his cheeks, nicely matching his hair. Hakkai discreetly moved the bottle to the other end of the table. “Mud… and I don’t know the rules anyway…”

“It’s very pure clay, great for your skin,” said the waiter. “And there are no rules, really. Victory by three second pin, everything else goes.”

He winked and sauntered away, swishing his narrow hips in skin-tight silk shorts. Hakkai was beginning to have certain suspicions about the nature of this establishment.

Gojyo downed his cup, got up, kicked off his boots and began peeling his tight leather pants down.

“Stop that, you pervert,” hissed Sanzo. “We’re on a holy quest, not cruising the local scene, remember?”

“Sure,” said Gojyo, depositing his clothes in Hakkai’s lap. “Let’s show them how we holy pilgrims do it.”

He straightened his boxers and headed toward the ring, and Hakkai made a mental note to acquire some new underwear first chance they’d get. This pair was getting indecently thin due to too much laundering. The spectators moved aside, hungrily eyeing Gojyo’s long naked legs as he climbed over the ropes.

“I gotta warn you guys though,” he said, rolling his neck and stretching his shoulders. “My groundholds are a killer. So, who wants some?”

There was a short stunned silence during which Hakkai hoped against hope that there will be no takers, and then all hell broke loose, figuratively speaking. It took the referee quite some time to restore the order and line the contestants up in an organized fashion.

In the next forty minutes Gojyo must have wrestled about two thirds of the patrons and was still the undefeated champion. The queue of challengers wasn’t getting shorter, however – the losers kept joining it again, clasping the entrance fee in mud-covered fingers, pushing forward impatiently.

“Come on, not you again,” complained Gojyo, helping a handsome tall youth inside the ring for what must have been his fourth time. “You hardly even struggle! Where’s the fun in that?”

“I will this time, Gojyo-chan, I promise,” the man carefully splayed his fingers over Gojyo mud-streaked biceps and batted his eyelashes pleadingly. “It’s just that you surprised me before.”

He lasted a little longer this time, writhing in Gojyo’s arms, pushing and slipping against his chest, till Gojyo easily flipped him over and knelt astride his stomach, capturing both his wrists in one hand.

“You call that struggling? Gimme a break, seriously,” he smiled and helpfully wiped a fresh splash of dirt off his opponent’s cheek with the back of his hand. The man’s quiet gasp was echoed by the whole room, and Hakkai found his fingers fisting tighter in the folds of Gojyo’s discarded clothing.

“Les’ jus’ pretend he’s not with us,” slurred Sanzo and refilled his cup again. “Damn horny cockroach.”

“But Sanzo, he’s pretty good!” protested Goku. “Just look at that hold. Gotta be some kinda ancient kappa technique.”

Gojyo just pinned another man face-down and kneed his legs wide apart to deny him leverage. The man’s arms were trapped somewhere between their bodies, and all he could do was pant into the crease of Gojyo’s elbow and wriggle his hips a little, probably trying to slip free. Although possibly not.

“I could definitely beat him though,” mused Goku. “It counts as pinning if you knock him out and step on him, right?”

Gojyo was already locked in a grapple with another opponent who seemed to be about twice his weight. He was palming Gojyo’s slippery torso, perhaps trying to get a good enough hold to execute a flip, and Gojyo was evading, nimbly twisting free again and again, and his hair, clumped by the mud into heavy dark dreadlocks, was whipping against the larger man’s skin, leaving long streaky smudges. Finally Gojyo hooked his bare foot around his opponent’s ankle, tripped him up, creating an impressive splash, and slid down himself to perform a pin, hitching up one of the man’s legs to stop his attempts to rise and leaning on his broad, heaving chest.

“Bet you could take him, Hakkai,” said Goku. “Right?”

“Ahaha,” said Hakkai breathlessly, clutching the pile of clothes against himself. “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about that.”

“Hakkaaai,” called Gojyo, waving at him from the ring. “Come on, join the fun! I need me some real challenge!”

He was kneeling up, shaking his hair back. His face was still mostly clean, with a couple of splashes on his cheek and across the bridge of his nose that gave him a rakish air, but the rest of his body was sleek with wet mud, and his boxers were soaked through, clinging to his skin so tightly they were almost invisible. He ran his palms across his stomach and chest, scraping some gunk off, revealing smooth skin underneath, and grinned at Hakkai invitingly.

And to his genuine surprise, Hakkai suddenly realised that he really, really wanted to roll in the mud. The compulsion was almost irresistible. He wanted to plunge into that thick, rich dirt, get it all over himself, feel it sticking to his naked skin, squelching between his toes and under his fingers. He wanted to smear it over Gojyo’s chest and thighs, catch him and pin him down, let him splash around and rub against him, slippery, warm and…

“…Of course I can beat him!” barked Sanzo above his ear, and Hakkai jumped, startled. “I’ll kick his slutty ass so hard, jus’ watch me.”

He flung the sutra and gun at Hakkai and unsteadily marched toward the ring, tugging his robes off.

“Uh, Sanzo, you sure about this?” asked Gojyo meekly.

“Shuddup and get ready t’ lose, you pathetic show-off,” Sanzo threw his robe at the patrons who gladly accepted it and started sniffing the fabric right away. “By the way, these,” he smoothed the black top over his chest, lingering over his hard little nipples more than could be prudent given the situation, and stroked the gloves up his arms. “These are the traditional holy garments so they won’t be coming off. All of you perverts will jus’ have to deal.”

He nodded contently and began unbuttoning his jeans.

“He doesn’t actually wear underwear, does he?” asked Hakkai under his breath. “At least, it never turns up in the laundry.”

“He totally doesn’t!” nodded Goku. “Because, traditional holy clothes – he’s not even supposed to wear jeans, really, so…”

“Oh shit, he’ll shoot us all in the morning just for having seen this,” gasped Gojyo and darted off the ring. “Come on, we’re outta here!”

“But food! Sanzo! Wrestling! Sanzo wrestling! Food!” whined Goku as they dragged him out of the bar.

“Gojyo is right; the only way to have deniability is to leave now,” said Hakkai. “I’ll look after the sutra till he’s sober. And I will bring you something from the kitchen later, if you’re still hungry. Let me just help Gojyo get cleaned up first.”

“That could be a while,” noted Gojyo, attempting to fingercomb some dirt out of his hair. “Fuck, I should have pinned it up or something. Hakkai, you were sober, why didn’t you tell me to?”

“I’m so sorry,” said Hakkai sincerely. When he last saw Gojyo’s hair still clean if a little rain-damp, spilling bright red across his naked back, all he really considered was the way Gojyo’s thin boxers stretched over his ass as he’d bent over the ropes, greeting the first challenger. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Really, you should’ve stopped me, man. Now I forfeited and I'll never get that twenty back, and I have this clay stuff everywhere,” Gojyo peeked under the elastic of his boxers and shook his head with a rueful sigh. The mud was drying on his skin in ragged streaks that looked like tiger stripes.

“That’s okay, Hakkai, I’ll go to the kitchen myself,” said Goku, smiling a little too brightly. “There will probably be some nice girl who’ll feed me.”

Hakkai decided not to discourage his hopes, booked the rooms and herded pliant, yawning Gojyo into the shower.

“You know what,” said Gojyo when Hakkai finished rinsing off his hair. “I’m actually not that drunk.”

*-*-*

Before going to sleep Hakkai crept into Sanzo’s room to check up on him. The traditional holy garments were crumpled on the floor in a stiff clay-encrusted ball, but at least the priest himself had showered. Now he was sprawled naked on top of the covers, snoring softly and grinning in his sleep. The air was thick with alcohol fumes, and there was a huge pile of mud-splattered cash on his bedside table.

Hakkai washed the dirty clothes, tucked the priest in a spare blanket and appropriated the money, safe in the knowledge that Sanzo would most certainly pretend to not remember anything in the morning.




Date: 2006-06-11 10:00 pm (UTC)
doire: (Default)
From: [personal profile] doire
I was supposed to be going to bed, but I stopped to read this..

Can I just say,I'm going up in a very giggily mood.

Date: 2006-06-24 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Thank you! Very glad I could be of service )))

Date: 2006-06-12 02:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hieronymousmosh.livejournal.com
Heeheehee! Bizarre in a probably-not-all-that-far-fetched kind of way *g*

Date: 2006-06-24 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Heee! Thank you! There needs to be more drunk Sanzo. Th Karaoke drama sketch is just too awesome.

Date: 2006-06-12 02:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistressrenet.livejournal.com
Dude. So, so funny. Sanzo drunk always wins.

Date: 2006-06-24 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Thank you! He really does. Singing, using surta on civilians and stripping - one man party, really. Love.

Date: 2006-06-12 02:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cicer.livejournal.com
*dies laughing* Oh my goodness, I love this. Hilarious. Drunk!Sanzo is the best. Plus, muddy!Gojyo and pervert!Hakkai! I love it. ♥

Date: 2006-06-24 07:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Thank you! Eeee, I am so glad you liked. Hakkai is totally a pervert. And a pig. But in a good way!

Date: 2006-06-12 03:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trensaddiction.livejournal.com
That was a fantastic lark of a story. I laughed so hard! From Hakkai's preoccupation with the shoddy state of Gojyo's underclothes to the fact that even drunk, Sanzo clearly won, it was just amusing as hell and an excellent read. *goes to reread and enjoy the giggles all over again*

Date: 2006-06-24 07:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Eee, thank you! This makes me so very happy!
(Yes, I think half-naked Sanzo is virtually undefeatable since nobody but him would be able to consentrate on wrestling.)

Date: 2006-06-12 06:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naanima.livejournal.com
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OMFGBBQ! *CAN'T STOP LAUGHING*

Just beautiful!

Date: 2006-06-24 07:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Thank you! Yay, so glad you liked - the random image of muddy Gojyo was just too inspirational not to fic.

Date: 2006-06-12 08:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] louiselux.livejournal.com
Muddy Gojyo is just fabulous. And hot. I am not surprised Hakkai is so distracted. Heee! I love that Sanzo won and that he did so naked except for his shirt and gloves!

Date: 2006-06-24 07:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Mmm, muddly Gojyo. With all the hair and *drools* yeah
Thank you very much!

Date: 2006-06-12 08:56 am (UTC)
ext_24935: made by <lj user="seapoke"> (8 pwns)
From: [identity profile] devikun.livejournal.com
Oh, come on. They let him win.

Crap, that was funny, Kate, and an oblivious-about-how-fucking-fuckable-he-is-covered-in-skin-and-mud Gojyo is entirely not fair. How the hell does Hakkai stay sane- Oh, wait.

;)

Date: 2006-06-24 07:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Hee, you're so right - they just wanted to keep him wriggling in dirt for as long as possible.

Thank you! Heeeee, yes, poor Hakkai, having all this mind-melting hot at the arm's reach, must be torture!

Date: 2006-06-12 01:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] assume-a-virtue.livejournal.com
xD Oh my god. Totally passing this one on.

Date: 2006-06-24 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Yay, thank you! So glad you liked!

Date: 2006-06-13 02:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emungere.livejournal.com
Mud wrestling half-naked Sanzo! So much love! ♥ I am Very Sad that Hakkai and Gojyo didn't get to wrestle together, but that probably wouldn't have been appropriate for public viewing.

Date: 2006-06-24 07:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Thank you! Yes, Hakkai wrestling Gojyo is the mud will quickly degrade into yummy porn. Somebody should write it! *hint, hint, puppy eyes of smut begging*

Date: 2006-06-24 10:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emungere.livejournal.com
Yes, and that somebody is youuuuu. :D Perhaps they could stay another night to let Sanzo recover from his...experience? Plenty of time for Hakkai to prove his mud wrestling prowess!

Date: 2006-06-13 10:44 am (UTC)
harukami: (Goki Goki Gojyo-tan)
From: [personal profile] harukami
OH MY GOD.

[DEAD] This is brilliant. And, as someone said, actually pretty plausable. XD

Also: Jade Stalk Inn. [LAUGHS, is 12.]

Date: 2006-06-24 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Thank you! And yeah, Jade Stalk Inn *blushes* famous for its weekly all-male mud-wrestling tournaments. Probably even more now after Sanzo's, ahem, triumph.

Date: 2006-06-17 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] car-jack.livejournal.com
Oh man, I think it's time I pulled out those old Japanese mud wresting bootleg videos I have in storage (assuming I can find them). Oh man. This should bring me good dreams.

Date: 2006-06-24 07:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] new-kate.livejournal.com
Thank you! And omg you have WHAT? Are those videos all full of slinky bishies or are they totally sumo-style? Do tell!!!

Date: 2006-06-24 09:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] car-jack.livejournal.com
Definately not sumos (jeez, think of the splash caused by a sumo belly flop in mud!) and some were quite cute. The videos must be about 20 years old now so who's to say how good the quality is. I got them from a friend YEARS ago who swiped them from his brother.

I don't know if they would actually be considered bootleg; I think they were taped off of cable. Is that considered bootleg? Oh, they were only in Japanese, too. Still fun to watch, though ^.^

Date: 2006-06-25 08:51 am (UTC)
ext_177486: (cook YAAAAY)
From: [identity profile] travellyr.livejournal.com
Attempting to giggle myself sick and stay silent at the same time is... well, it doesn't do wonders for my oxygen supply, and when the guys started going through twice and thrice? I think I almost swallowed my tongue. XD I agree with the above ladies- so totally hilarious and odd in a not-really-implausible sort of way.

Thanks, so much, for sharing this!

Date: 2007-04-14 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catinabowl.livejournal.com
Wait, let me get this straight: Sanzo went into the ring with nothing on but his priestly gloves and tank top? barebottomed!Sanzo? Ohnnnn god, thank you for that lovely image. You just made my day.

Date: 2008-02-06 11:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marasmine.livejournal.com
Hi! I followed Viridian5's link to find this. I now need to find a good excuse for when my family ask why I am smirking so much. Thank you so much for all those lovely, slippery mental images!

Благодарю за информацию

Date: 2011-06-08 11:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cutlerjagy.livejournal.com
Интересно было почитать. Спасибо.Image (http://site-sex-znakomstva.ru/)

Благодарю за информацию

Date: 2011-07-09 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flinugec.livejournal.com
Спасибо за новость! Как раз думал об этом!Image (http://7wp.ru/)

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