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new_kateOh wow. It's actually been over a year since I posted the last part. Ahaha. This was already written back then, but I was delayed in posting it by, um. Issues. Don't throw things at me, it's my birthday!
Title: Gingerbread Castle
Fandom: Saiyuki
Spoilers: Through Burial
Summary and warnings: Alternative timeline in which Gojyo isn't the one who finds wounded Gonou in the woods. NC-17 for m/m and general creepiness.
Part one
Part two
Part three
He woke up from the stinging slap across his face and swiftly rolled away, groping for the edge of the bed, ready to hide under it till she calmed down. Toys skittered under his hands, and he remembered where he was and forced his eyes open to figure out what was going on.
“Where is he?” hissed Kami, glaring down at him, sceptre aimed at his throat.
Hakkai wasn’t where Gojyo last saw him, curled into tight uncomfortable ball with his back turned, telling him that he didn’t get enough sleep before and was really quite tired. He didn’t want to talk, and didn’t want to fool around anymore after Kami’d left. And rattled as Gojyo was, he’d felt sated and sleepy after that not-quite-handjob, and the nap on the cold staircase hadn’t refreshed him at all. The toys were soft and his limbs were heavy, and he fell asleep. And now Hakkai was nowhere to be seen.
“Where would he go,” mumbled Gojyo, looking around the room. The doors were ajar, and one of them had a huge round hole blown clear though. The edges of it looked charred and melted.
“He’s never done this before,” said Kami. “It’s all because of you. Tell me what you’re planning!”
“We’re not…”
“Tell me!” Kami yelled and swung the sceptre at him. A long string of beads flew off his shoulder and wrapped around Gojyo’s neck, wrenching him up, tightening like a noose. He clawed at the beads with both hands, struggling for air, but his nails slid off them uselessly and gouged his own skin. Another string lashed him across the ribs like a heavy whip. He jerked under it, unable to even push a scream through his strangled throat. He could barely see Kami now, blind from pain and lack of air, but he forced his hands to let go of the beads, called the shakujou and took a wild swing.
The noose around his throat disappeared, and he dropped into a crouch, breathing carefully to stave off the coughing fit. He knew his strike hadn’t connected, but making Kami dodge was enough to break his hold on the beads, and that was good to know. They stared each other down, weapons at the ready.
“I don’t know where he is,” said Gojyo. “I wouldn’t tell you if I knew, but I don’t. Why?”
“You don’t know,” mumbled Kami. The scattered beads rolled closer to him, gathering at his feet. “Then maybe I’ll just make you scream till he hears and comes back to save you.”
“That’s fucked up even for you,” Gojyo said, circling him slowly. Now he knew more about how the beads worked, and the room was big enough for manoeuvre. He had a fighting chance. “Look, he probably just got sick of the company and holed up somewhere to have some alone time. There is no need to get your panties in a bunch. Oh wait, you’re not wearing any.”
“He’s not in the castle. I can’t sense him. I think he’s trying to leave.”
“Well, good,” Gojyo said firmly. “Good. It’s about time he dumped your crazy ass and went back to the real – I mean, outside. He’s not happy here. Can’t you just let him go?”
“Don’t you understand?” Kami screamed, stomping his foot. The beads jumped off the floor and settled back again. “If he leaves, he will die!”
“What? Why? Did you put some kind of spell on him?”
“It’s not me. If he goes outside, they’ll kill him.”
“Oh fuck, who?”
“Anyone. A lot of people want him dead. He’s done some bad things, and now they want to punish him. And he will let them.”
That sounded disturbingly plausible. Some of Hakkai’s crazy ramblings actually made much more sense now.
“But he told me he can’t break the barrier,” Gojyo said. “That was a lie, was it?”
“Well, not really,” Kami said, fidgeting. He didn’t look like he wanted a fight anymore, but Gojyo wasn’t in a hurry to lower his weapon. “He could if he found my mirror. But he won’t know where to look unless he paints guiding tantras on his skin, and he can’t do that. You gotta be a priest. Except…”
“Except what, come on, he’s probably heading for trouble!”
“Well, if he looks everywhere in the forest, he’ll eventually find it, I guess. Only that would take forever, and he’d get bored, right?”
“Right,” Gojyo said, letting the shakujou go. “Okay, let’s not panic. I don’t think he actually wants to leave. He just wants me out of here.”
“But why?” Kami asked, tilting his head to the side, so his golden hair fanned over one shoulder. He was really cute when the crazy wasn’t showing too much. “He likes you. Why would he want that?”
“Yeah, makes no sense to me either. Let’s go find him and talk to him, and then we’ll figure out what to do next.”
He headed to the main stairs, more on the general sense of direction, because all the corridors still looked the same to him. Kami trudged after him like a lost puppy, trying to match his steps to Gojyo’s longer strides.
“It’s through there, turn left,” he said, tugging gingerly on the side of Gojyo’s vest. “You think he’ll want to talk to us? He looked all sulky last time I saw him.”
“Looked okay to me.”
“You don’t know him. Sometime he sulks for weeks. Wouldn’t talk no matter what you do. I think you could hurt him till he died and he still wouldn’t talk, when he’s like that.”
Gojyo clenched his teeth and firmly refused to think about that further. Whatever happened here in the past, it was their business. If Hakkai wanted revenge, he would take it. He seemed that kind of guy.
He faltered on the top of the familiar wide staircase, staring into the thin milky fog clinging to the stairs. Something was moving deep inside it. Could be just shadows, a trick of light. Last time the ghost had retreated when Kami showed up, so as long as they went in together it would probably be okay.
He put his foot on the first step, almost ready to see a hand emerge from the fog and wrap around his naked ankle. Her voice bounced inside his head, whispering familiar words: I wish you were dead, I wish you had never existed. Don’t you want my wish to come true?
“Can you go get my boots?” he said. “Don’t really want to trek around the forest barefoot.”
“Yeah, sure,” said Kami distractedly. “Oh, oh, he’s coming back, I can sense him now. Told you he’d get bored.”
“I figure he just doesn’t want to leave us alone for long,” Gojyo sat down on the step, trying not to feel too much like a pathetic coward, and Kami settled next to him, nodding.
“Maybe. He’s been acting all selfish and greedy lately. I don’t mind if we share you, you know.”
“What? Seriously, you’re such a creep… Hey, what did you do with that teddy bear? No, wait, I’m not sure I want to know.”
“I gave it to Sensei.”
“Yup, totally didn’t want to know that.”
“Next time he wants your blood.”
“Does he now,” Gojyo muttered, imagining an elderly, more senile version of Kami giggling and bouncing shakily toward him, swishing beads around. Except he probably had some badass huge exploding beads with sharp spikes. “Well, he’s welcome to try.”
“It’s only a little bit, and then Hakkai will heal you,” said Kami brightly. “And also he wants some of your hair, from your head and from down there.”
“Oh, fucking excellent. Did he want Hakkai’s too when he first got here, or am I just that special?”
“He did! He says you’re both very interesting! He told me I can keep you for as long as I want. Though, I think one day he might take you away. Sometimes he likes to teach me about non-attachment. He really didn’t like that I made Hakkai my friend, but he said I’ll learn when he disappoints me. Like, when he steals all my best toys, for example.”
“I’m not your toy. Stop calling me that.”
“Well, it’s not like you need a friend,” said Kami dully, poking the marble floor with his toe. “You’re like that boy I met when I was little. You don’t need anybody. It’s really cool. That’s the right way to live.”
“Freak,” said Gojyo and jabbed a finger between his ribs. Kami giggled and squirmed, softly batting his hand away.
“I’m booored,” he said, pressing against Gojyo’s side. “Let’s play.”
“Let’s not.”
“Come on, we’ll play something nice. Something you like.”
“How ‘bout we play me kicking your ass so you stop bothering me?”
“Like you could,” Kami laughed and suddenly tackled him, catching him off-balance. They rolled together across the hard floor, Kami’s hands clutching Gojyo’s shoulders, small body straining against him. Gojyo tried to shove him away, be he held tight. Using force would make him lash out and attack for real, so Gojyo settled for wrestling him down and trying to hold him still. Kami stuck both hands down Gojyo’s t-shirt and started to tickle him, howling joyfully. His fingers dug too hard into Gojyo’s sides, worrying fresh bruises, but it was better than being strangled or perforated with beads. He flipped the kid onto his back and pinned him down, using his gentlest ground hold.
“Not fair!” laughed Kami, spluttering his hair that fanned all across his face in the tussle. “You’re bigger!”
“Damn right I am,” Gojyo wedged Kami’s wrist under his knee and freed one hand to brush the stray golden strands away. The huge burn scar around Kami’s eye felt rough and uneven under his fingers. Gojyo had never really looked at it before. He’s had a lot of practice seeing the face under the scars in the mirror, and now he hardly noticed marks on other people.
“Where’d you get this?”
“I don’t remember,” said Kami. He stopped struggling now, relaxing slowly under his weight, turning his face into the strokes of Gojyo’s fingers. He wasn’t actually as young as he seemed when he was dancing around wackily and throwing temper tantrums. This close up Gojyo could tell they were about the same age. “You’re so pretty.”
“What are you doing?” asked Hakkai’s voice from the stairs. Gojyo made to pull away, but Kami yanked his hands free and fisted them in Gojyo’s vest, holding him there.
Hakkai really looked sulky, just as Kami’d said. He was staring at Gojyo’s neck, at the bruises and scratches from their earlier fight. Gojyo shook his head to flip his hair forward and cover all that, and grinned up at him disarmingly:
“Nothing!”
“We’re playing,” Kami said in that light, sunny voice seasoned hookers use when they ask if you want company. He lifted his legs till the robes slid up to his waist, and wrapped his naked thighs around Gojyo’s waist. “Want to join us?”
Hakkai shook his head, slipped his hands into his pockets and headed inside the castle, tiredly dragging his feet.
“Don’t go!” Kami yelled, shoving Gojyo off and scrambling up onto his knees. “Come here, let’s all play together! Aren’t we friends?”
“No, of course we aren’t friends, Kami-kun,” said Hakkai quietly, not slowing down. “You only call me that because I make a lousy toy.”
“Hakkai,” Gojyo said, and now the man stopped, waiting, his shoulders tense and straight, but Gojyo had no idea what to say. If Hakkai was pissed off because of Kami’s little trick – no, he wouldn’t fall for something like that.
“Don’t worry,” Hakkai said at last. “I’ll be around, in case something happens, though you seem to be doing just fine. I need some time alone.”
“Fine,” whispered Kami, staring at his retreating back and fingering the strings of beads slung around his shoulders. His lips were shaking, like he was about to cry. “It’s not like I need you anyway. I don’t need anybody. I should’ve killed you where I found you, really.”
“Hey, hey,” Gojyo caught his hands, guided them away from the beads and turned Kami around to face him, shaking him gently to distract him from the wrong train of thought. “So, are we playing or what? I want to play with the railroad. Let’s go, you gotta show me how it works.”
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Come onnn! Shiny trains! We can load them with tin soldiers and play war. Or, train robbery!”
He tugged on Kami’s wrists excitedly till the guy smiled and rose to his feet:
“Okay. Let him sulk and miss all the fun. That’ll teach him.”
¬*_*_*
Kami had every single toy Gojyo had wanted as a child, and many more he never knew existed. He kept imagining his seven-year-old self in this room, being allowed to rock on the wooden horse just like the one he’d ogled in the shop window for a year, and kick around striped balls so new and bouncy they made a ringing sound when they hit a wall. The little squirt Gojyo would wet himself from delight: armies of tin soldiers, little fire engines with working bells, drums and clowns, and a willing playmate to boot. He would be so, so happy. Now, of course, it was all just piles of gaudy junk and an unpredictable violent jerk he had to keep entertained and not homicidal.
Well, okay, the toy railroad was kinda fun.
He still couldn’t tell for sure if Kami was actually an unhinged loon, or just a kid in a man’s body who never had a chance to grow up. Sometimes, catching one of Kami’s quick, dark glances thrown at him through lowered eyelashes, Gojyo thought that all those wacky antics were just a sick game designed specifically to freak him out. One minute the guy would be staging an elaborate tea party for his dollies, consumed with the task of setting the little table just right and introducing every porcelain socialite to Gojyo individually, and the next he’d be hurling tiny hand-painted china cups against the wall and decapitating his toy guests. Sometimes the sudden massacre would be the beginning of a hysterical fit, and sometimes it was just a part of the game. And whenever Kami would abandon the toys and fling himself at Gojyo, crawl into his lap and rub against him, giggling and purring, there was really no telling if this was just a tease for him or Hakkai, or actual need of the body, or if he wanted something else entirely, or why he thought Gojyo could give him that.
It would be so easy to just roll with it and fuck Kami into content placidity. Gojyo knew that would work. He still remembered how quickly Mom would calm down when Jien folded his arms around her and pulled her in the bedroom. How soon her shrieks would ebb and change into soft coos, and then deep happy moans, louder and louder as the bed springs creaked faster and faster. Creak, creak, creak. He could hear it all from his room. Sticking fingers in his ears didn’t seem to help any, it was still there, happening. And he wanted to be happy for her, and proud of his brother for giving her this comfort and pleasure. And often he wanted to bang the back of his head against the wall in time with the sounds they were making, till the flaky plaster turned red like his filthy, freaky hair. Except he never did that, because he wasn’t crazy or anything.
Hakkai hovered nearby, watching them play, edging closer whenever Kami got agitated. Gojyo gave up on trying to talk to him or even to catch his eyes, and concentrated on wearing Kami out. Tired, the kid got more affectionate, and stopped bristling at the questions, but every time he answered anything Gojyo was sorry he even asked.
“Sensei? He’s amazing,” murmured Kami, lounging on the floor with his head in Gojyo’s lap, his fingers toying with Gojyo’s belt buckle, worrying the hem of his t-shirt. “He’s making something wonderful right now. It will catch people’s souls when they die. You see, when his friend died, Sensei couldn’t keep him, and he was very lonely. But I’m sure he’ll get it finished soon. So when you die, I will keep you with me forever.”
Gojyo was pretty sure Kami just made all that up as he went along, but there was something disturbing about his sweet, open smile, like he really believed it all.
“I will put you in one of my toys,” Kami said, making a sweeping gesture around the room with his thin hand, indicating the piles of plushies, tin men and wooden dolls. “You can pick any one. Who do you want to be?”
Gojyo suppressed a shudder and pushed Kami off. The back of his blond head hit the stone floor with a dull thump, but Kami didn’t even wince, just let out a high-pitched giggle.
“No, you’re right, that’s not good enough,” he said. “I’ll make a doll especially, to look just like you. It will be cute and cuddly, and it will have your pretty red hair. And the eyes.”
He plucked two beads off the string circling his shoulders. Gojyo already knew that there was no actual string there, nothing but Kami’s will holding it all together. Kami stretched out his arms, bringing the beads closer to Gojyo’s face.
“I thought so. The colour match is perfect,” he said.
“Stop that, Kami-kun,” said Hakkai from the steps where he was perched. His voice was hoarse from the long silence, hands tense where they gripped his knees.
“Aw, Hakkai, are you feeling left out?” Kami asked, rolling over to face the man. “Don’t worry, I plan on keeping you too. That way you and him will always be together. Wouldn’t you like that?”
Hakkai’s feet shifted on the steps, but before he could say anything Kami sprang up and twirled around happily.
“Company!” he yipped. “Can you feel it, guys? We have guests!”
He was out of the room before Gojyo could make a grab for him, in one swish of robes and golden hair. Hakkai didn’t move when Kami brushed past him, just kept still, tightly hugging his legs, his shaggy hair tumbling down on his forehead in a tangles mess.
“No, no,” moaned Gojyo, getting up. “Not that again. Hakkai!”
“I’m not going to participate in that anymore,” said Hakkai dully.
“But it’s still going to happen!”
Hakkai’s eyes darted to Gojyo’s face, finally, but it really wasn’t a good time for that. The sound of Kami’s light steps was fading in the distance - he was running off to torture some idiot stragglers to death.
Gojyo ran after him, chasing the echoing steps and the glimpses of his robes around the corners of the walkways. He was almost at the main stairs when Kami grabbed him, flung both arms around his chest and pushed him against the wall, into the shadows.
“Don’t rush it,” he whispered wetly into Gojyo’s ear. “It’s important to make a good entrance.”
They could see the trespassers now – just the three of them, milling at the top of the stairs, tense and ready for an attack. The one in the middle, flanked protectively by the other two, had long blood-red hair, and the sight of it made Gojyo’s heart skip a beat till he saw the guy’s ears and markings. All three were youkai.
“…not quite what I was expecting,” the tallest one was saying. “You sure it’s his place?”
“Reasonably sure,” answered the redhead. His hands were folded in front of his chest, palm to palm, and something invisible was moving and shaping between his fingers. Youkai magic. “We should be able to learn at least something about that human if we explore his estate. Technically we’re intruding here, but there shouldn’t be anyone…”
“Now this is just rude,” giggled Kami, moving out into the open. “And you didn’t even take your shoes off! I think you should be taught a lesson.”
“We only want to talk,” said the redhead quickly. The ball of magic in his hands tightened, small ripples of power leaking out, ready to be released. The tall one called forth a sword and stepped forward to shield the mage with his broad naked torso. The third youkai, a doe-eyed girl with breasts like sweet ripe melons, slipped a hand into the bag on her belt.
“Woah, wait!” yelled Gojyo, snapping right out of his quiet contemplation of the boobies, and rushed forward, still hoping to stop them before it got ugly. “Let’s not…”
The youkai turned toward him, quickly changing their battle formation, and Kami made use of the distraction right away. Gojyo never saw him move – he just appeared behind the redhead, close enough to lean on his back, and ran his fingers down the edge of the youkai’s long ear.
“This is so pretty,” he said, fingering the guy’s tacky dangly earring. “I’ll take it.”
The redhead jumped, startled, and the magic fizzled out from his grasp in a useless whiff of sparkly mist. The swordsman whirled around, gripped Kami’s wrist before he could rip the earring out of youkai’s earlobe, and drew back his sword hand.
“Don’t kill him!” the redhead yelled and thrust his arm out to stop the blade, but he needn’t have bothered. Kami’d already twisted out of the swordsman’s hold and jumped away, and now was breathing into the back of the girl’s neck, sniffing her hair.
“Pretty girl,” he sighed happily. “I always wanted to play with a pretty girl.”
The angry snarl she made was anything but pretty. She kicked backwards, aiming squarely for his groin, and called a spear.
“Yaone, don’t, stay back!” screamed the swordsman. He still hovered by the redhead’s side, poised ready for another attack, keeping one eye on Gojyo, but the girl was already across the room, chasing after laughing Kami. The blond hopped around and made an elaborate show of dodging her attacks, drawing her away from her allies. She was pretty good – she nearly grazed his cheek on the very first thrust – but it wasn’t going to be enough. Gojyo was just about to make his move and hope the opening would present itself, when a dark shape darted past him and wedged between Kami and the girl.
“Hakkai!” gasped Kami, smiling from ear to ear. “I knew you’d come!”
Hakkai held the girl by her arms. His fingers, white from the strain, were digging deep into her flesh; he stared at her wide-eyed, shaking so hard he made the chains on her outfit jingle. The girl seemed frozen in shock.
“It’s okay, you’re safe,” Hakkai said right into her face, leaning closer till their noses bumped together. He sounded like he couldn’t breathe and was just barely forcing enough air through his throat to make sounds. “I won’t let anyone harm you.”
“Go,” said the redhead and began chanting. The big guy changed to a two-handed grip and charged at Hakkai, going for certain kill. Gojyo knew this move – it was wicked hard to counter, but Jien had taught him a neat trick for it. He called the shakujou, moved closer to Hakkai, took a stance and fixed his eyes on the swordsman.
And then he couldn’t breathe, and couldn’t hold his weapon together anymore. The sword was coming down in a brutal arc designed to cleave him in half and maim Hakkai, and he couldn’t move a muscle.
The first year after he left home and drifted around aimlessly, scarping by from one day to the next, he was still hoping to bump into Jien somewhere, though of course he didn’t have a faintest clue as to where his brother might have been by then. But with every passing month it was harder and harder to conjure Jien’s face in his mind. It was fading, no matter how Gojyo tried to cling to that memory, so he held on to the simple things he could remember. The colour of Jien’s eyes, the exact shape of his markings, the lines of his jaw. Something he could use to recognise his brother by, even years later.
And now it turned out that all the effort was for nothing, because he hasn’t forgotten a thing.
Of course, Jien was different now. He changed his hair, filled out nicely, wasn’t hunching anymore, stood tall and proud, his strong torso exposed, skin smooth and barely scarred. He didn’t look anything like that unwashed village boy with a crazy mom and a freak for a brother. Now he looked like a youkai nobility or something – healthy, glowing with power, beautiful.
His sword stopped a hair from Gojyo’s face, and blinked out of existence.
“You,” he said, and Gojyo wanted to fling himself at him, bury his face against Jien’s broad chest and cry like a kid. Except he never cried as a kid, and it wasn’t time to start. Behind his back Hakkai was still promising the poor girl that he won’t let anyone touch her, never, never. Redhead was staring at them hard, ribbons of flame licking between his fingers; Kami hovered in the distance, and his smile was getting puzzled and uncertain.
“S’okay, I got this,” Gojyo said and gently shook Hakkai by the shoulders. “Hey, buddy, let her go, you’re freaking her out. Hakkai, listen to me. Let go.”
Hakkai loosened his grip on a girl, made a weird sobbing sound and sagged backwards against Gojyo’s chest. The girl pulled up straight and recovered her weapon. She still looked pale, though more pissed-off now than scared. Finger-shaped bruises on her arms were livid red, already darkening to purple.
“What are you doing?” Kami asked. “What game are we playing?”
“We’re not playing,” Hakkai said. His hand lingered over Gojyo’s where it was curled around his shoulder, and then he pushed away and stepped toward Kami. “We’re going to let them go.”
Kami shook all over, going red-faced with rage, and let out a screeching, wordless howl. He swung his sceptre and let all the beads fly at once in a wide volley.
There was nowhere to hide, no time to think and too many people to protect. They were all going to get mowed doing, and then Kami would probably let the tiger finish it up – and then, before anyone had a chance to move, something happened.
A wall of fire rolled through the room, roaring like a living thing. Squinting against the heat, Gojyo could just about see something moving between the flames, something huge, one-eyed, with a maw full of brightly blazing teeth.
The beads scattered, thrown off-aim, and the fire died out at once. There was no smoke and no monster, only scorch marks on the marble.
Hakkai was lying on the edge of the charred strip, sprawled face-down on the blackened floor. For a moment Gojyo thought Hakkai got blasted all the way there, maybe fried to a crisp - but then he saw Kami squirming underneath the man, struggling against the ground hold. The beads rolled back toward their master, trailing thin lines of soot across the flagstones, and stopped dead in a wide circle around him. Hakkai was holding a qi shield around the two of them, with Kami trapped in and his beads locked outside, shuddering uselessly against the invisible barrier.
“Please, leave now,” Hakkai said over Kami’s agonised wails. The kid was thrashing so hard he’d dislocate his own shoulders, if Hakkai’s grip wasn’t so efficient. “He’s harmless for the moment, and I’ll make sure he doesn’t pursue you. You don’t need to kill him. And, please, take Gojyo with you. Take him to safety.”
“Damn, what the hell is going on here?” Jien said. “Kou, do you want to interrogate them?”
“That won’t be necessary. I believe we have what we came for,” said the redhead, staring hard at the crimson mark on Kami’s forehead. “We can leave.”
“He’s coming with us,” Jien said and laid his heavy, calloused hand on Gojyo’s shoulder. “Home, I mean. He’s…”
“Of course, if you say so. You can explain later,” said the redhead, easily, like it was perfectly normal for his friends – or bodyguards, or whoever they were - to drag home any number of random hanyos. The girl stood next to him again, in exactly the same position as when Gojyo first saw them, guarding the mage’s side. She met Gojyo’s eyes and gave him a polite, tight-lipped smile and a little bow. Not trusting him yet, but obviously prepared to treat him right, if Jien says so.
Clearly, there was no need to worry about his big brother anymore. He had a good thing going with those two, they had his back, they would look after him. Gojyo was kinda curious if Jien was boning either of them, or even both maybe. Jien was pulling him toward his friends, and Gojyo could just go with them, all the way to where they were shacked up, check out their home, down a few with his brother and catch up on everything that happened in the last eight years. They could be a family again, Jien would take care of him – not like Gojyo had anywhere else to go, really.
“I’ll stay,” he told Jien. “I can’t ditch them - you can see they need looking after.”
“No,” said Jien and gripped him harder. “No way I’m leaving you with those nutjobs.”
“Look, I know, they’re wacky, but they have their moments. It’ll be okay, seriously. I can help them.”
“I’m sorry, I must say you’re probably mistaken,” said the girl. “That man – he’s… He might be beyond help. And he wants you to leave. I don’t think he trusts himself with you.”
Gojyo chose to ignore her, allowed himself one farewell glance at the boobies and turned back to Jien:
“Look, I’m not a kid anymore. I got this. It will all work out this time, nobody will die or anything – I want to do this. Just go, I’m good.”
Jien stared at him for an endless moment, with that weird pained look he used to get sometimes when Gojyo would gather wildflowers for mom or try to cook her favourite meal. Then he nodded and stepped back, closer to his redhead and the girl. The man twirled his earring, and all three disappeared in one small pulse of youkai magic.
It took him a moment to blink through all the mist in his eyes and start breathing normally again. When he turned around, Kami wasn’t struggling anymore. Hakkai had let him go, but Kami stayed on the floor, sobbing like a little kid whose only toy was broken by bullies. The beads lay around him, forgotten.
“Not fair,” he moaned. “So not fair. That guy, he had so much... Why don’t I have anything?”
“You have us,” said Hakkai, not even trying for anything but patronising. In Kami’s place Gojyo would want to slug him, but the kid only glared weakly through the hair plastered to his wet face.
“That’s just not true,” he muttered.
“Maybe it can be,” Gojyo said. “I don’t know. We could try.”
Kami stropped sobbing and looked up at him, solemn and hopeful for a moment, but then more tears welled up in his bloodshot eyes and he flopped back, crying with renewed anguish.
“Come on, up we go,” Hakkai said and easily hoisted Kami to his feet. “Let’s get you to bed.”
Kami went without protest, let them steer him into the closest bedroom and wrap him in blankets, but wouldn’t stop sobbing till Hakkai got into bed with him and pressed against his back, cuddling him and whispering some soothing babytalk nonsense into his ear. Then Kami grabbed Gojyo’s arm and tugged till all three of them ended up in one messy tangle, barely balanced on too-narrow mattress.
It didn’t suck, actually, even with Kami gripping his forearm too tightly and getting tears and snot in his hair. Hakkai had an arm around them both, and in the dim of the bedroom Gojyo could see the green glint in his eyes, feel the warm of his thigh where it pressed against his. Kami’s heart was still rapping too fast against Gojyo’s ribs, but it was slowing down, and his breathing was getting deep and calm. Maybe they could even sleep like this. Gojyo suddenly felt very, very tired, and he definitely wasn’t up to sleeping alone tonight.
“Let’s all leave tomorrow,” he said and immediately felt Kami stiffen against him and his heartbeat pick up the pace again.
“We can’t,” Kami mumbled into his shoulder.
“Of course we can.”
“No. We can’t. Where would we even go?”
“I dunno, anywhere. We could just travel. See the world, just go where we please every day. We could go as far as frigging India if we want. We’ll make some money on the way – hey, you could put on a whole show with your magic. Brats love shit like that, bet you’d be popular.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, everyone will want to play with you! And Hakkai here could heal sick people in every place we come across, there’s good money to be had there too. And I would clean everyone at poker, and then to the next town…”
“And if we tire of travel one day, we can settle down,” Hakkai chimed in, and this time he actually sounded like he meant it. Enough to fool Gojyo, anyway.
“Yeah! We’d get us a house, and a steady job, you could, um… ”
“I could teach. I am qualified.”
“See? Awesome! And Kami could - ”
“I have a magic show,” Kami reminded him sleepily and snuggled tighter against him.
“Right, yeah, and I could – heh, I’ll just stick to cleaning everyone at poker I guess.”
“You and Kami could work for the law,” Hakkai said. “Helping the lost, protecting the innocent. You could do a lot of good with your abilities.”
Kami made a content little sound that could actually be snoring, and Gojyo let his heavy eyelids slide shut. He still felt Hakkai’s fingertips softly stroking his shoulder as he fell asleep.
He woke up about half the way when Kami shifted in his arms, slid off the bed and shuffled out of the room. Hakkai immediately moved into the vacated warm space and wound both his arms around Gojyo’s shoulders.
“Where’d he…” Gojyo mumbled as he worked his hands under Hakkai’s clothes.
“Bathroom, probably,” Hakkai said, and kissed him, slowly and easily, like they did that every day, waking up in the same bed together. Gojyo grabbed his bony hips and dragged him closer, till he could rock his hard-on against Hakkai’s stomach, and then against the answering hardness there. Hakkai sighed and arched against him, treading his fingers through Gojyo’s hair.
“Who was that man?” Hakkai asked suddenly against his lips and rolled on top of Gojyo, heavy and warm and hard, and talking was really the last thing Gojyo wanted to be doing right now.
“My brother,” he said reluctantly.
“I see. You should have gone with him.”
“Yeah, well,” Gojyo muttered and kissed him harder, nuzzled at his neck, imagining what Hakkai must look like without his limiters. Would his marking be anything like Jien’s or…
And then Hakkai’s wandering hands found his zipper and distracted him completely. Gojyo pushed into Hakkai’s warm fist, wondering if Kami was about to return and get an eyeful. That was so silly, making out like this, like parents when a child leaves the room, and that thought made him giggle happily even as he was struggling to undo Hakkai’s pants.
“Gojyo, oh, Gojyo,” Hakkai panted into his hair. “Gojyo, you know this can’t end well.”
“I dunno anything like that.”
“No, you see…”
A piercing scream startled them both, and cut off on a pained whine even before they jumped out of bed. The floor shuddered under their feet, as if the castle itself was as shaken up as they felt.
“Is it him?” asked Gojyo as they broke into a run down the dark corridor, adjusting their clothes. He couldn’t even tell if that hideous sound was Kami’s voice. Hakkai nodded and sped up, his teeth clenched and jaw set grimly, like he had been expecting something nasty to happen.
Kami was in his toy room, alone, sprawled on the floor. The stained glass windows painted the room in bizarre shades, bisecting and obscuring the lines of his body, but Gojyo didn’t really need to look to know what he’d see. The room reeked of fresh blood, and there was too much of it. Kami’s lips were blue and his face was very white, and he was bleeding everywhere – he must have been slashed at least a dozen of times, deeply and brutally. Gojyo knelt by his side, trying to breathe through his mouth, and ripped a strip of cloth off Kami’s priestly robe to at least bind the gaping cuts closed. That was no use, they were too late. Not even youkai magic would help it now. But maybe they could at least find whoever did this.
“Who was it? Where’d they go?” he asked.
“Sensei said you broke me,” Kami said slowly, with a dumb, queasy smile, barely moving his lips. His teeth were stained red, and Gojyo could hear wet gurgling sounds as he spoke. “He doesn’t need me anymore. It’s over.”
The floor shook again, harder; there was a sound of mortar and stones grinding together – like a moan of a giant. Several sections of coloured glass cracked and burst inside the room, peppering their hair with blunt shards.
“No, no,” Hakkai pressed both palms to Kami’s torn chest, and for the moment a surge of ozone almost overpowered the thick stench of blood as he poured qi into Kami’s wounds. “You’re not going to die. You deserve a chance at redemption. We will try to start over, together, we can become human again, we will…”
Another jolt cut him off and almost threw him down on his face. A thin stream of dust poured down on them from the ceiling, mingling with Kami’s blood; Gojyo braced on hands and knees over his body to shield him a little, but he could see cracks running fast up the stone walls, widening by the second. The whole damn castle was going to crumble on top of them; he wasn’t sure what set it off, but they definitely needed to be elsewhere. Kami would bleed out in seconds if they tried to carry him, but then again, he would only have minutes longer if they didn’t move him at all…
Kami seemed to have fainted, but he stirred again when they started to lift him up and pushed at their hands, making more blood spurt from his wounds.
“I want to stay here,” he wheezed. “You have to go. I need you to go now. You have to save him.”
Gojyo let go of him and grabbed Hakkai’s hand. He expected struggle, but judging by the way Hakkai squeezed his fingers and pulled him to the exit, he must have thought Kami wasn’t talking to Gojyo.
They ran and ran, not talking, listening to the sounds of walls creaking, crashing and folding in on themselves. As they negotiated one of the endless staircases, jumping over the steps that sagged under their feet like a swamp path, the ceiling started to cave in over them. Hakkai raised a qi shield over them, and Gojyo let him lean on his shoulder and steered them both to the main exit, watching as huge boulders rained down, crashed into nothing a foot above their heads and bounced off, smashing holes in the marble floor.
He could already see the glow of daylight in the distance when the shield burst and Hakkai sagged listlessly over him. Gojyo hoisted him higher and ran, dodging the falling stones, leaping heavily over the chasms that opened under his feet as the floor started to break apart. The dust was rising up and getting thicker as the castle ground itself into ruins. He ran almost blindly now, trying not to breathe in, afraid to choke. His every muscle burned and his lungs screamed for air, but he wouldn’t slow down, because this time - he knew - he had a real shot. He could save this guy. He could save him.
*-*-*
“Hey, Mister, are you alive?”
Hakkai rolled his head to the side and tried to cough out all the dust clogging his throat. When he looked up, he saw them both at once. They were bending over him, wearing identical concerned frowns. For a moment he suspected concussion-induced double-vision, but then his eyes finally focused and he saw that they didn’t look alike at all.
“Gojyo,” he rasped. “Gojyo?”
“Not the…” started the older one, the handsome slender man dressed in priest robes. He had a crimson mark on his forehead, and looking at it made Hakkai’s bruised chest hurt more.
His young companion let out a happy whooping cry and darted around the wreckage:
“Gojyo! Gojyo! Where are you hiding?”
“Shut the fuck up, I’ve a headache from hell,” groaned Gojyo’s voice nearby, and Hakkai began to laugh, not caring if he sounded hysterical or insane, if he was scaring the boy or distressing the priest. He kept laughing until his eyes watered and his vision blurred and all he could see was the bright gold of the priest’s hair.
Gojyo moved closer, looking barely scratched, radiating heat and comfort, and draped himself over the priest’s shoulder with the disconcerting air of familiarity.
“Hmm, if I knew you missed me that much, I woulda dropped by more often. Hey, Hakkai, meet Sanzo the baldy and his pet monkey Goku! Owww, don’t hit me, assholes, I’m all injured!”
“We were in the neighbourhood and sensed something,” said the priest, still stone-faced, carefully tucking a large paper fan back inside his sleeve. “It has stopped now, whatever it was.”
“Yeah, Sanzo’s vest went all weird for a moment!” nodded Goku, gesturing wildly to illustrate something cryptic.
“It’s not a… oh, why do I bother,” sighed Sanzo. “What the fuck are you doing here, anyway?”
Gojyo opened his mouth to explain, but Hakkai struggled onto his feet and cut him off, suddenly urgent.
“Sanzo-sama, perhaps you could help me. My name is Cho Gonou. I…” his lips began to shake, and he forced a smile, trying to regain control.
“I know who you are,” nodded Sanzo, barely surprised. “I’ve wasted months looking for you in all kinds of shitty god-forsaken places. Believe me when I tell you it doesn’t make me want to jump over myself to help you.”
“Excellent,” he said, finally feeling free after so long, and dizzy with the rush it gave him. “Then we both have found what we were looking for.”
“Oh yeah?” the priest smirked. His eyes were unsettlingly clever and knowing. “I wouldn’t stake much hope on the easy way out.”
“Hey, hey, what are you talking about?” demanded Gojyo. He’d already gotten into a wrestling match with Goku, who twisted in his hold at the pause and echoed the question, bouncing with curiosity.
Hakkai smiled at them widely and blandly, dismissing the question, admiring the way Gojyo’s hair looked with the sunlight bouncing off it: a stream of bright, brilliant shades of red. He didn’t want an easy way out, not any more. He wouldn’t need anyone’s help to take it. What he sought now was something that was probably impossible: strength to endure the unbearable, faith beyond reason. A miracle. A second chance.
The boy grabbed his hand and looked up at him, wide-eyed and friendly:
“Are you going to travel with us? It will be so cool! We can play mah-jong – Sanzo taught me, but he says I suck and it needs four players and now we could, or we could just play poker, Gojyo taught me but I never win because he’s a shark - not a real shark, he’s actually a kappa, but not really…”
It was all too strange. The charmed hell he’s been living in for the last eternity folded like a house of cards, crumbled like a dry cookie. The boy priest was dead, and they stood on the ruins of his short and bloody life with a priest, and a boy. Hakkai smiled wider, fighting a spasm in his throat. His cheeks were beginning to cramp. Gojyo’s eyes were worried and insistently seeking his, but he looked away, too exposed out in the open, in the light. Not ready yet, no certainty of ever being ready, but still, Gojyo’s warmth felt so good beside him, and the silence stretched like a line between them was solid and alive, keeping him afloat.
As they headed off after the priest he considered the possibility of hope. He didn’t deserve mercy. But then, he had never deserved her love, yet he was given it. He didn’t deserve to be saved, didn’t deserve friendship, trust or affection, but apparently…
He smiled past the pain in his tightly clenched jaw, amused at his own foolishness. Only in fairytales the evil was always banished and the good was always rewarded. Here, in the real world, anything was possible: a beautiful princess could be devoured by monsters, and a blood-soaked demon could be loved by the kindest heart of them all – no reason, no morals, no explanation. He caught up to Gojyo, falling into step with him, and let his friend lead him away from the rubble.
The end
Title: Gingerbread Castle
Fandom: Saiyuki
Spoilers: Through Burial
Summary and warnings: Alternative timeline in which Gojyo isn't the one who finds wounded Gonou in the woods. NC-17 for m/m and general creepiness.
Part one
Part two
Part three
He woke up from the stinging slap across his face and swiftly rolled away, groping for the edge of the bed, ready to hide under it till she calmed down. Toys skittered under his hands, and he remembered where he was and forced his eyes open to figure out what was going on.
“Where is he?” hissed Kami, glaring down at him, sceptre aimed at his throat.
Hakkai wasn’t where Gojyo last saw him, curled into tight uncomfortable ball with his back turned, telling him that he didn’t get enough sleep before and was really quite tired. He didn’t want to talk, and didn’t want to fool around anymore after Kami’d left. And rattled as Gojyo was, he’d felt sated and sleepy after that not-quite-handjob, and the nap on the cold staircase hadn’t refreshed him at all. The toys were soft and his limbs were heavy, and he fell asleep. And now Hakkai was nowhere to be seen.
“Where would he go,” mumbled Gojyo, looking around the room. The doors were ajar, and one of them had a huge round hole blown clear though. The edges of it looked charred and melted.
“He’s never done this before,” said Kami. “It’s all because of you. Tell me what you’re planning!”
“We’re not…”
“Tell me!” Kami yelled and swung the sceptre at him. A long string of beads flew off his shoulder and wrapped around Gojyo’s neck, wrenching him up, tightening like a noose. He clawed at the beads with both hands, struggling for air, but his nails slid off them uselessly and gouged his own skin. Another string lashed him across the ribs like a heavy whip. He jerked under it, unable to even push a scream through his strangled throat. He could barely see Kami now, blind from pain and lack of air, but he forced his hands to let go of the beads, called the shakujou and took a wild swing.
The noose around his throat disappeared, and he dropped into a crouch, breathing carefully to stave off the coughing fit. He knew his strike hadn’t connected, but making Kami dodge was enough to break his hold on the beads, and that was good to know. They stared each other down, weapons at the ready.
“I don’t know where he is,” said Gojyo. “I wouldn’t tell you if I knew, but I don’t. Why?”
“You don’t know,” mumbled Kami. The scattered beads rolled closer to him, gathering at his feet. “Then maybe I’ll just make you scream till he hears and comes back to save you.”
“That’s fucked up even for you,” Gojyo said, circling him slowly. Now he knew more about how the beads worked, and the room was big enough for manoeuvre. He had a fighting chance. “Look, he probably just got sick of the company and holed up somewhere to have some alone time. There is no need to get your panties in a bunch. Oh wait, you’re not wearing any.”
“He’s not in the castle. I can’t sense him. I think he’s trying to leave.”
“Well, good,” Gojyo said firmly. “Good. It’s about time he dumped your crazy ass and went back to the real – I mean, outside. He’s not happy here. Can’t you just let him go?”
“Don’t you understand?” Kami screamed, stomping his foot. The beads jumped off the floor and settled back again. “If he leaves, he will die!”
“What? Why? Did you put some kind of spell on him?”
“It’s not me. If he goes outside, they’ll kill him.”
“Oh fuck, who?”
“Anyone. A lot of people want him dead. He’s done some bad things, and now they want to punish him. And he will let them.”
That sounded disturbingly plausible. Some of Hakkai’s crazy ramblings actually made much more sense now.
“But he told me he can’t break the barrier,” Gojyo said. “That was a lie, was it?”
“Well, not really,” Kami said, fidgeting. He didn’t look like he wanted a fight anymore, but Gojyo wasn’t in a hurry to lower his weapon. “He could if he found my mirror. But he won’t know where to look unless he paints guiding tantras on his skin, and he can’t do that. You gotta be a priest. Except…”
“Except what, come on, he’s probably heading for trouble!”
“Well, if he looks everywhere in the forest, he’ll eventually find it, I guess. Only that would take forever, and he’d get bored, right?”
“Right,” Gojyo said, letting the shakujou go. “Okay, let’s not panic. I don’t think he actually wants to leave. He just wants me out of here.”
“But why?” Kami asked, tilting his head to the side, so his golden hair fanned over one shoulder. He was really cute when the crazy wasn’t showing too much. “He likes you. Why would he want that?”
“Yeah, makes no sense to me either. Let’s go find him and talk to him, and then we’ll figure out what to do next.”
He headed to the main stairs, more on the general sense of direction, because all the corridors still looked the same to him. Kami trudged after him like a lost puppy, trying to match his steps to Gojyo’s longer strides.
“It’s through there, turn left,” he said, tugging gingerly on the side of Gojyo’s vest. “You think he’ll want to talk to us? He looked all sulky last time I saw him.”
“Looked okay to me.”
“You don’t know him. Sometime he sulks for weeks. Wouldn’t talk no matter what you do. I think you could hurt him till he died and he still wouldn’t talk, when he’s like that.”
Gojyo clenched his teeth and firmly refused to think about that further. Whatever happened here in the past, it was their business. If Hakkai wanted revenge, he would take it. He seemed that kind of guy.
He faltered on the top of the familiar wide staircase, staring into the thin milky fog clinging to the stairs. Something was moving deep inside it. Could be just shadows, a trick of light. Last time the ghost had retreated when Kami showed up, so as long as they went in together it would probably be okay.
He put his foot on the first step, almost ready to see a hand emerge from the fog and wrap around his naked ankle. Her voice bounced inside his head, whispering familiar words: I wish you were dead, I wish you had never existed. Don’t you want my wish to come true?
“Can you go get my boots?” he said. “Don’t really want to trek around the forest barefoot.”
“Yeah, sure,” said Kami distractedly. “Oh, oh, he’s coming back, I can sense him now. Told you he’d get bored.”
“I figure he just doesn’t want to leave us alone for long,” Gojyo sat down on the step, trying not to feel too much like a pathetic coward, and Kami settled next to him, nodding.
“Maybe. He’s been acting all selfish and greedy lately. I don’t mind if we share you, you know.”
“What? Seriously, you’re such a creep… Hey, what did you do with that teddy bear? No, wait, I’m not sure I want to know.”
“I gave it to Sensei.”
“Yup, totally didn’t want to know that.”
“Next time he wants your blood.”
“Does he now,” Gojyo muttered, imagining an elderly, more senile version of Kami giggling and bouncing shakily toward him, swishing beads around. Except he probably had some badass huge exploding beads with sharp spikes. “Well, he’s welcome to try.”
“It’s only a little bit, and then Hakkai will heal you,” said Kami brightly. “And also he wants some of your hair, from your head and from down there.”
“Oh, fucking excellent. Did he want Hakkai’s too when he first got here, or am I just that special?”
“He did! He says you’re both very interesting! He told me I can keep you for as long as I want. Though, I think one day he might take you away. Sometimes he likes to teach me about non-attachment. He really didn’t like that I made Hakkai my friend, but he said I’ll learn when he disappoints me. Like, when he steals all my best toys, for example.”
“I’m not your toy. Stop calling me that.”
“Well, it’s not like you need a friend,” said Kami dully, poking the marble floor with his toe. “You’re like that boy I met when I was little. You don’t need anybody. It’s really cool. That’s the right way to live.”
“Freak,” said Gojyo and jabbed a finger between his ribs. Kami giggled and squirmed, softly batting his hand away.
“I’m booored,” he said, pressing against Gojyo’s side. “Let’s play.”
“Let’s not.”
“Come on, we’ll play something nice. Something you like.”
“How ‘bout we play me kicking your ass so you stop bothering me?”
“Like you could,” Kami laughed and suddenly tackled him, catching him off-balance. They rolled together across the hard floor, Kami’s hands clutching Gojyo’s shoulders, small body straining against him. Gojyo tried to shove him away, be he held tight. Using force would make him lash out and attack for real, so Gojyo settled for wrestling him down and trying to hold him still. Kami stuck both hands down Gojyo’s t-shirt and started to tickle him, howling joyfully. His fingers dug too hard into Gojyo’s sides, worrying fresh bruises, but it was better than being strangled or perforated with beads. He flipped the kid onto his back and pinned him down, using his gentlest ground hold.
“Not fair!” laughed Kami, spluttering his hair that fanned all across his face in the tussle. “You’re bigger!”
“Damn right I am,” Gojyo wedged Kami’s wrist under his knee and freed one hand to brush the stray golden strands away. The huge burn scar around Kami’s eye felt rough and uneven under his fingers. Gojyo had never really looked at it before. He’s had a lot of practice seeing the face under the scars in the mirror, and now he hardly noticed marks on other people.
“Where’d you get this?”
“I don’t remember,” said Kami. He stopped struggling now, relaxing slowly under his weight, turning his face into the strokes of Gojyo’s fingers. He wasn’t actually as young as he seemed when he was dancing around wackily and throwing temper tantrums. This close up Gojyo could tell they were about the same age. “You’re so pretty.”
“What are you doing?” asked Hakkai’s voice from the stairs. Gojyo made to pull away, but Kami yanked his hands free and fisted them in Gojyo’s vest, holding him there.
Hakkai really looked sulky, just as Kami’d said. He was staring at Gojyo’s neck, at the bruises and scratches from their earlier fight. Gojyo shook his head to flip his hair forward and cover all that, and grinned up at him disarmingly:
“Nothing!”
“We’re playing,” Kami said in that light, sunny voice seasoned hookers use when they ask if you want company. He lifted his legs till the robes slid up to his waist, and wrapped his naked thighs around Gojyo’s waist. “Want to join us?”
Hakkai shook his head, slipped his hands into his pockets and headed inside the castle, tiredly dragging his feet.
“Don’t go!” Kami yelled, shoving Gojyo off and scrambling up onto his knees. “Come here, let’s all play together! Aren’t we friends?”
“No, of course we aren’t friends, Kami-kun,” said Hakkai quietly, not slowing down. “You only call me that because I make a lousy toy.”
“Hakkai,” Gojyo said, and now the man stopped, waiting, his shoulders tense and straight, but Gojyo had no idea what to say. If Hakkai was pissed off because of Kami’s little trick – no, he wouldn’t fall for something like that.
“Don’t worry,” Hakkai said at last. “I’ll be around, in case something happens, though you seem to be doing just fine. I need some time alone.”
“Fine,” whispered Kami, staring at his retreating back and fingering the strings of beads slung around his shoulders. His lips were shaking, like he was about to cry. “It’s not like I need you anyway. I don’t need anybody. I should’ve killed you where I found you, really.”
“Hey, hey,” Gojyo caught his hands, guided them away from the beads and turned Kami around to face him, shaking him gently to distract him from the wrong train of thought. “So, are we playing or what? I want to play with the railroad. Let’s go, you gotta show me how it works.”
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Come onnn! Shiny trains! We can load them with tin soldiers and play war. Or, train robbery!”
He tugged on Kami’s wrists excitedly till the guy smiled and rose to his feet:
“Okay. Let him sulk and miss all the fun. That’ll teach him.”
¬*_*_*
Kami had every single toy Gojyo had wanted as a child, and many more he never knew existed. He kept imagining his seven-year-old self in this room, being allowed to rock on the wooden horse just like the one he’d ogled in the shop window for a year, and kick around striped balls so new and bouncy they made a ringing sound when they hit a wall. The little squirt Gojyo would wet himself from delight: armies of tin soldiers, little fire engines with working bells, drums and clowns, and a willing playmate to boot. He would be so, so happy. Now, of course, it was all just piles of gaudy junk and an unpredictable violent jerk he had to keep entertained and not homicidal.
Well, okay, the toy railroad was kinda fun.
He still couldn’t tell for sure if Kami was actually an unhinged loon, or just a kid in a man’s body who never had a chance to grow up. Sometimes, catching one of Kami’s quick, dark glances thrown at him through lowered eyelashes, Gojyo thought that all those wacky antics were just a sick game designed specifically to freak him out. One minute the guy would be staging an elaborate tea party for his dollies, consumed with the task of setting the little table just right and introducing every porcelain socialite to Gojyo individually, and the next he’d be hurling tiny hand-painted china cups against the wall and decapitating his toy guests. Sometimes the sudden massacre would be the beginning of a hysterical fit, and sometimes it was just a part of the game. And whenever Kami would abandon the toys and fling himself at Gojyo, crawl into his lap and rub against him, giggling and purring, there was really no telling if this was just a tease for him or Hakkai, or actual need of the body, or if he wanted something else entirely, or why he thought Gojyo could give him that.
It would be so easy to just roll with it and fuck Kami into content placidity. Gojyo knew that would work. He still remembered how quickly Mom would calm down when Jien folded his arms around her and pulled her in the bedroom. How soon her shrieks would ebb and change into soft coos, and then deep happy moans, louder and louder as the bed springs creaked faster and faster. Creak, creak, creak. He could hear it all from his room. Sticking fingers in his ears didn’t seem to help any, it was still there, happening. And he wanted to be happy for her, and proud of his brother for giving her this comfort and pleasure. And often he wanted to bang the back of his head against the wall in time with the sounds they were making, till the flaky plaster turned red like his filthy, freaky hair. Except he never did that, because he wasn’t crazy or anything.
Hakkai hovered nearby, watching them play, edging closer whenever Kami got agitated. Gojyo gave up on trying to talk to him or even to catch his eyes, and concentrated on wearing Kami out. Tired, the kid got more affectionate, and stopped bristling at the questions, but every time he answered anything Gojyo was sorry he even asked.
“Sensei? He’s amazing,” murmured Kami, lounging on the floor with his head in Gojyo’s lap, his fingers toying with Gojyo’s belt buckle, worrying the hem of his t-shirt. “He’s making something wonderful right now. It will catch people’s souls when they die. You see, when his friend died, Sensei couldn’t keep him, and he was very lonely. But I’m sure he’ll get it finished soon. So when you die, I will keep you with me forever.”
Gojyo was pretty sure Kami just made all that up as he went along, but there was something disturbing about his sweet, open smile, like he really believed it all.
“I will put you in one of my toys,” Kami said, making a sweeping gesture around the room with his thin hand, indicating the piles of plushies, tin men and wooden dolls. “You can pick any one. Who do you want to be?”
Gojyo suppressed a shudder and pushed Kami off. The back of his blond head hit the stone floor with a dull thump, but Kami didn’t even wince, just let out a high-pitched giggle.
“No, you’re right, that’s not good enough,” he said. “I’ll make a doll especially, to look just like you. It will be cute and cuddly, and it will have your pretty red hair. And the eyes.”
He plucked two beads off the string circling his shoulders. Gojyo already knew that there was no actual string there, nothing but Kami’s will holding it all together. Kami stretched out his arms, bringing the beads closer to Gojyo’s face.
“I thought so. The colour match is perfect,” he said.
“Stop that, Kami-kun,” said Hakkai from the steps where he was perched. His voice was hoarse from the long silence, hands tense where they gripped his knees.
“Aw, Hakkai, are you feeling left out?” Kami asked, rolling over to face the man. “Don’t worry, I plan on keeping you too. That way you and him will always be together. Wouldn’t you like that?”
Hakkai’s feet shifted on the steps, but before he could say anything Kami sprang up and twirled around happily.
“Company!” he yipped. “Can you feel it, guys? We have guests!”
He was out of the room before Gojyo could make a grab for him, in one swish of robes and golden hair. Hakkai didn’t move when Kami brushed past him, just kept still, tightly hugging his legs, his shaggy hair tumbling down on his forehead in a tangles mess.
“No, no,” moaned Gojyo, getting up. “Not that again. Hakkai!”
“I’m not going to participate in that anymore,” said Hakkai dully.
“But it’s still going to happen!”
Hakkai’s eyes darted to Gojyo’s face, finally, but it really wasn’t a good time for that. The sound of Kami’s light steps was fading in the distance - he was running off to torture some idiot stragglers to death.
Gojyo ran after him, chasing the echoing steps and the glimpses of his robes around the corners of the walkways. He was almost at the main stairs when Kami grabbed him, flung both arms around his chest and pushed him against the wall, into the shadows.
“Don’t rush it,” he whispered wetly into Gojyo’s ear. “It’s important to make a good entrance.”
They could see the trespassers now – just the three of them, milling at the top of the stairs, tense and ready for an attack. The one in the middle, flanked protectively by the other two, had long blood-red hair, and the sight of it made Gojyo’s heart skip a beat till he saw the guy’s ears and markings. All three were youkai.
“…not quite what I was expecting,” the tallest one was saying. “You sure it’s his place?”
“Reasonably sure,” answered the redhead. His hands were folded in front of his chest, palm to palm, and something invisible was moving and shaping between his fingers. Youkai magic. “We should be able to learn at least something about that human if we explore his estate. Technically we’re intruding here, but there shouldn’t be anyone…”
“Now this is just rude,” giggled Kami, moving out into the open. “And you didn’t even take your shoes off! I think you should be taught a lesson.”
“We only want to talk,” said the redhead quickly. The ball of magic in his hands tightened, small ripples of power leaking out, ready to be released. The tall one called forth a sword and stepped forward to shield the mage with his broad naked torso. The third youkai, a doe-eyed girl with breasts like sweet ripe melons, slipped a hand into the bag on her belt.
“Woah, wait!” yelled Gojyo, snapping right out of his quiet contemplation of the boobies, and rushed forward, still hoping to stop them before it got ugly. “Let’s not…”
The youkai turned toward him, quickly changing their battle formation, and Kami made use of the distraction right away. Gojyo never saw him move – he just appeared behind the redhead, close enough to lean on his back, and ran his fingers down the edge of the youkai’s long ear.
“This is so pretty,” he said, fingering the guy’s tacky dangly earring. “I’ll take it.”
The redhead jumped, startled, and the magic fizzled out from his grasp in a useless whiff of sparkly mist. The swordsman whirled around, gripped Kami’s wrist before he could rip the earring out of youkai’s earlobe, and drew back his sword hand.
“Don’t kill him!” the redhead yelled and thrust his arm out to stop the blade, but he needn’t have bothered. Kami’d already twisted out of the swordsman’s hold and jumped away, and now was breathing into the back of the girl’s neck, sniffing her hair.
“Pretty girl,” he sighed happily. “I always wanted to play with a pretty girl.”
The angry snarl she made was anything but pretty. She kicked backwards, aiming squarely for his groin, and called a spear.
“Yaone, don’t, stay back!” screamed the swordsman. He still hovered by the redhead’s side, poised ready for another attack, keeping one eye on Gojyo, but the girl was already across the room, chasing after laughing Kami. The blond hopped around and made an elaborate show of dodging her attacks, drawing her away from her allies. She was pretty good – she nearly grazed his cheek on the very first thrust – but it wasn’t going to be enough. Gojyo was just about to make his move and hope the opening would present itself, when a dark shape darted past him and wedged between Kami and the girl.
“Hakkai!” gasped Kami, smiling from ear to ear. “I knew you’d come!”
Hakkai held the girl by her arms. His fingers, white from the strain, were digging deep into her flesh; he stared at her wide-eyed, shaking so hard he made the chains on her outfit jingle. The girl seemed frozen in shock.
“It’s okay, you’re safe,” Hakkai said right into her face, leaning closer till their noses bumped together. He sounded like he couldn’t breathe and was just barely forcing enough air through his throat to make sounds. “I won’t let anyone harm you.”
“Go,” said the redhead and began chanting. The big guy changed to a two-handed grip and charged at Hakkai, going for certain kill. Gojyo knew this move – it was wicked hard to counter, but Jien had taught him a neat trick for it. He called the shakujou, moved closer to Hakkai, took a stance and fixed his eyes on the swordsman.
And then he couldn’t breathe, and couldn’t hold his weapon together anymore. The sword was coming down in a brutal arc designed to cleave him in half and maim Hakkai, and he couldn’t move a muscle.
The first year after he left home and drifted around aimlessly, scarping by from one day to the next, he was still hoping to bump into Jien somewhere, though of course he didn’t have a faintest clue as to where his brother might have been by then. But with every passing month it was harder and harder to conjure Jien’s face in his mind. It was fading, no matter how Gojyo tried to cling to that memory, so he held on to the simple things he could remember. The colour of Jien’s eyes, the exact shape of his markings, the lines of his jaw. Something he could use to recognise his brother by, even years later.
And now it turned out that all the effort was for nothing, because he hasn’t forgotten a thing.
Of course, Jien was different now. He changed his hair, filled out nicely, wasn’t hunching anymore, stood tall and proud, his strong torso exposed, skin smooth and barely scarred. He didn’t look anything like that unwashed village boy with a crazy mom and a freak for a brother. Now he looked like a youkai nobility or something – healthy, glowing with power, beautiful.
His sword stopped a hair from Gojyo’s face, and blinked out of existence.
“You,” he said, and Gojyo wanted to fling himself at him, bury his face against Jien’s broad chest and cry like a kid. Except he never cried as a kid, and it wasn’t time to start. Behind his back Hakkai was still promising the poor girl that he won’t let anyone touch her, never, never. Redhead was staring at them hard, ribbons of flame licking between his fingers; Kami hovered in the distance, and his smile was getting puzzled and uncertain.
“S’okay, I got this,” Gojyo said and gently shook Hakkai by the shoulders. “Hey, buddy, let her go, you’re freaking her out. Hakkai, listen to me. Let go.”
Hakkai loosened his grip on a girl, made a weird sobbing sound and sagged backwards against Gojyo’s chest. The girl pulled up straight and recovered her weapon. She still looked pale, though more pissed-off now than scared. Finger-shaped bruises on her arms were livid red, already darkening to purple.
“What are you doing?” Kami asked. “What game are we playing?”
“We’re not playing,” Hakkai said. His hand lingered over Gojyo’s where it was curled around his shoulder, and then he pushed away and stepped toward Kami. “We’re going to let them go.”
Kami shook all over, going red-faced with rage, and let out a screeching, wordless howl. He swung his sceptre and let all the beads fly at once in a wide volley.
There was nowhere to hide, no time to think and too many people to protect. They were all going to get mowed doing, and then Kami would probably let the tiger finish it up – and then, before anyone had a chance to move, something happened.
A wall of fire rolled through the room, roaring like a living thing. Squinting against the heat, Gojyo could just about see something moving between the flames, something huge, one-eyed, with a maw full of brightly blazing teeth.
The beads scattered, thrown off-aim, and the fire died out at once. There was no smoke and no monster, only scorch marks on the marble.
Hakkai was lying on the edge of the charred strip, sprawled face-down on the blackened floor. For a moment Gojyo thought Hakkai got blasted all the way there, maybe fried to a crisp - but then he saw Kami squirming underneath the man, struggling against the ground hold. The beads rolled back toward their master, trailing thin lines of soot across the flagstones, and stopped dead in a wide circle around him. Hakkai was holding a qi shield around the two of them, with Kami trapped in and his beads locked outside, shuddering uselessly against the invisible barrier.
“Please, leave now,” Hakkai said over Kami’s agonised wails. The kid was thrashing so hard he’d dislocate his own shoulders, if Hakkai’s grip wasn’t so efficient. “He’s harmless for the moment, and I’ll make sure he doesn’t pursue you. You don’t need to kill him. And, please, take Gojyo with you. Take him to safety.”
“Damn, what the hell is going on here?” Jien said. “Kou, do you want to interrogate them?”
“That won’t be necessary. I believe we have what we came for,” said the redhead, staring hard at the crimson mark on Kami’s forehead. “We can leave.”
“He’s coming with us,” Jien said and laid his heavy, calloused hand on Gojyo’s shoulder. “Home, I mean. He’s…”
“Of course, if you say so. You can explain later,” said the redhead, easily, like it was perfectly normal for his friends – or bodyguards, or whoever they were - to drag home any number of random hanyos. The girl stood next to him again, in exactly the same position as when Gojyo first saw them, guarding the mage’s side. She met Gojyo’s eyes and gave him a polite, tight-lipped smile and a little bow. Not trusting him yet, but obviously prepared to treat him right, if Jien says so.
Clearly, there was no need to worry about his big brother anymore. He had a good thing going with those two, they had his back, they would look after him. Gojyo was kinda curious if Jien was boning either of them, or even both maybe. Jien was pulling him toward his friends, and Gojyo could just go with them, all the way to where they were shacked up, check out their home, down a few with his brother and catch up on everything that happened in the last eight years. They could be a family again, Jien would take care of him – not like Gojyo had anywhere else to go, really.
“I’ll stay,” he told Jien. “I can’t ditch them - you can see they need looking after.”
“No,” said Jien and gripped him harder. “No way I’m leaving you with those nutjobs.”
“Look, I know, they’re wacky, but they have their moments. It’ll be okay, seriously. I can help them.”
“I’m sorry, I must say you’re probably mistaken,” said the girl. “That man – he’s… He might be beyond help. And he wants you to leave. I don’t think he trusts himself with you.”
Gojyo chose to ignore her, allowed himself one farewell glance at the boobies and turned back to Jien:
“Look, I’m not a kid anymore. I got this. It will all work out this time, nobody will die or anything – I want to do this. Just go, I’m good.”
Jien stared at him for an endless moment, with that weird pained look he used to get sometimes when Gojyo would gather wildflowers for mom or try to cook her favourite meal. Then he nodded and stepped back, closer to his redhead and the girl. The man twirled his earring, and all three disappeared in one small pulse of youkai magic.
It took him a moment to blink through all the mist in his eyes and start breathing normally again. When he turned around, Kami wasn’t struggling anymore. Hakkai had let him go, but Kami stayed on the floor, sobbing like a little kid whose only toy was broken by bullies. The beads lay around him, forgotten.
“Not fair,” he moaned. “So not fair. That guy, he had so much... Why don’t I have anything?”
“You have us,” said Hakkai, not even trying for anything but patronising. In Kami’s place Gojyo would want to slug him, but the kid only glared weakly through the hair plastered to his wet face.
“That’s just not true,” he muttered.
“Maybe it can be,” Gojyo said. “I don’t know. We could try.”
Kami stropped sobbing and looked up at him, solemn and hopeful for a moment, but then more tears welled up in his bloodshot eyes and he flopped back, crying with renewed anguish.
“Come on, up we go,” Hakkai said and easily hoisted Kami to his feet. “Let’s get you to bed.”
Kami went without protest, let them steer him into the closest bedroom and wrap him in blankets, but wouldn’t stop sobbing till Hakkai got into bed with him and pressed against his back, cuddling him and whispering some soothing babytalk nonsense into his ear. Then Kami grabbed Gojyo’s arm and tugged till all three of them ended up in one messy tangle, barely balanced on too-narrow mattress.
It didn’t suck, actually, even with Kami gripping his forearm too tightly and getting tears and snot in his hair. Hakkai had an arm around them both, and in the dim of the bedroom Gojyo could see the green glint in his eyes, feel the warm of his thigh where it pressed against his. Kami’s heart was still rapping too fast against Gojyo’s ribs, but it was slowing down, and his breathing was getting deep and calm. Maybe they could even sleep like this. Gojyo suddenly felt very, very tired, and he definitely wasn’t up to sleeping alone tonight.
“Let’s all leave tomorrow,” he said and immediately felt Kami stiffen against him and his heartbeat pick up the pace again.
“We can’t,” Kami mumbled into his shoulder.
“Of course we can.”
“No. We can’t. Where would we even go?”
“I dunno, anywhere. We could just travel. See the world, just go where we please every day. We could go as far as frigging India if we want. We’ll make some money on the way – hey, you could put on a whole show with your magic. Brats love shit like that, bet you’d be popular.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, everyone will want to play with you! And Hakkai here could heal sick people in every place we come across, there’s good money to be had there too. And I would clean everyone at poker, and then to the next town…”
“And if we tire of travel one day, we can settle down,” Hakkai chimed in, and this time he actually sounded like he meant it. Enough to fool Gojyo, anyway.
“Yeah! We’d get us a house, and a steady job, you could, um… ”
“I could teach. I am qualified.”
“See? Awesome! And Kami could - ”
“I have a magic show,” Kami reminded him sleepily and snuggled tighter against him.
“Right, yeah, and I could – heh, I’ll just stick to cleaning everyone at poker I guess.”
“You and Kami could work for the law,” Hakkai said. “Helping the lost, protecting the innocent. You could do a lot of good with your abilities.”
Kami made a content little sound that could actually be snoring, and Gojyo let his heavy eyelids slide shut. He still felt Hakkai’s fingertips softly stroking his shoulder as he fell asleep.
He woke up about half the way when Kami shifted in his arms, slid off the bed and shuffled out of the room. Hakkai immediately moved into the vacated warm space and wound both his arms around Gojyo’s shoulders.
“Where’d he…” Gojyo mumbled as he worked his hands under Hakkai’s clothes.
“Bathroom, probably,” Hakkai said, and kissed him, slowly and easily, like they did that every day, waking up in the same bed together. Gojyo grabbed his bony hips and dragged him closer, till he could rock his hard-on against Hakkai’s stomach, and then against the answering hardness there. Hakkai sighed and arched against him, treading his fingers through Gojyo’s hair.
“Who was that man?” Hakkai asked suddenly against his lips and rolled on top of Gojyo, heavy and warm and hard, and talking was really the last thing Gojyo wanted to be doing right now.
“My brother,” he said reluctantly.
“I see. You should have gone with him.”
“Yeah, well,” Gojyo muttered and kissed him harder, nuzzled at his neck, imagining what Hakkai must look like without his limiters. Would his marking be anything like Jien’s or…
And then Hakkai’s wandering hands found his zipper and distracted him completely. Gojyo pushed into Hakkai’s warm fist, wondering if Kami was about to return and get an eyeful. That was so silly, making out like this, like parents when a child leaves the room, and that thought made him giggle happily even as he was struggling to undo Hakkai’s pants.
“Gojyo, oh, Gojyo,” Hakkai panted into his hair. “Gojyo, you know this can’t end well.”
“I dunno anything like that.”
“No, you see…”
A piercing scream startled them both, and cut off on a pained whine even before they jumped out of bed. The floor shuddered under their feet, as if the castle itself was as shaken up as they felt.
“Is it him?” asked Gojyo as they broke into a run down the dark corridor, adjusting their clothes. He couldn’t even tell if that hideous sound was Kami’s voice. Hakkai nodded and sped up, his teeth clenched and jaw set grimly, like he had been expecting something nasty to happen.
Kami was in his toy room, alone, sprawled on the floor. The stained glass windows painted the room in bizarre shades, bisecting and obscuring the lines of his body, but Gojyo didn’t really need to look to know what he’d see. The room reeked of fresh blood, and there was too much of it. Kami’s lips were blue and his face was very white, and he was bleeding everywhere – he must have been slashed at least a dozen of times, deeply and brutally. Gojyo knelt by his side, trying to breathe through his mouth, and ripped a strip of cloth off Kami’s priestly robe to at least bind the gaping cuts closed. That was no use, they were too late. Not even youkai magic would help it now. But maybe they could at least find whoever did this.
“Who was it? Where’d they go?” he asked.
“Sensei said you broke me,” Kami said slowly, with a dumb, queasy smile, barely moving his lips. His teeth were stained red, and Gojyo could hear wet gurgling sounds as he spoke. “He doesn’t need me anymore. It’s over.”
The floor shook again, harder; there was a sound of mortar and stones grinding together – like a moan of a giant. Several sections of coloured glass cracked and burst inside the room, peppering their hair with blunt shards.
“No, no,” Hakkai pressed both palms to Kami’s torn chest, and for the moment a surge of ozone almost overpowered the thick stench of blood as he poured qi into Kami’s wounds. “You’re not going to die. You deserve a chance at redemption. We will try to start over, together, we can become human again, we will…”
Another jolt cut him off and almost threw him down on his face. A thin stream of dust poured down on them from the ceiling, mingling with Kami’s blood; Gojyo braced on hands and knees over his body to shield him a little, but he could see cracks running fast up the stone walls, widening by the second. The whole damn castle was going to crumble on top of them; he wasn’t sure what set it off, but they definitely needed to be elsewhere. Kami would bleed out in seconds if they tried to carry him, but then again, he would only have minutes longer if they didn’t move him at all…
Kami seemed to have fainted, but he stirred again when they started to lift him up and pushed at their hands, making more blood spurt from his wounds.
“I want to stay here,” he wheezed. “You have to go. I need you to go now. You have to save him.”
Gojyo let go of him and grabbed Hakkai’s hand. He expected struggle, but judging by the way Hakkai squeezed his fingers and pulled him to the exit, he must have thought Kami wasn’t talking to Gojyo.
They ran and ran, not talking, listening to the sounds of walls creaking, crashing and folding in on themselves. As they negotiated one of the endless staircases, jumping over the steps that sagged under their feet like a swamp path, the ceiling started to cave in over them. Hakkai raised a qi shield over them, and Gojyo let him lean on his shoulder and steered them both to the main exit, watching as huge boulders rained down, crashed into nothing a foot above their heads and bounced off, smashing holes in the marble floor.
He could already see the glow of daylight in the distance when the shield burst and Hakkai sagged listlessly over him. Gojyo hoisted him higher and ran, dodging the falling stones, leaping heavily over the chasms that opened under his feet as the floor started to break apart. The dust was rising up and getting thicker as the castle ground itself into ruins. He ran almost blindly now, trying not to breathe in, afraid to choke. His every muscle burned and his lungs screamed for air, but he wouldn’t slow down, because this time - he knew - he had a real shot. He could save this guy. He could save him.
*-*-*
“Hey, Mister, are you alive?”
Hakkai rolled his head to the side and tried to cough out all the dust clogging his throat. When he looked up, he saw them both at once. They were bending over him, wearing identical concerned frowns. For a moment he suspected concussion-induced double-vision, but then his eyes finally focused and he saw that they didn’t look alike at all.
“Gojyo,” he rasped. “Gojyo?”
“Not the…” started the older one, the handsome slender man dressed in priest robes. He had a crimson mark on his forehead, and looking at it made Hakkai’s bruised chest hurt more.
His young companion let out a happy whooping cry and darted around the wreckage:
“Gojyo! Gojyo! Where are you hiding?”
“Shut the fuck up, I’ve a headache from hell,” groaned Gojyo’s voice nearby, and Hakkai began to laugh, not caring if he sounded hysterical or insane, if he was scaring the boy or distressing the priest. He kept laughing until his eyes watered and his vision blurred and all he could see was the bright gold of the priest’s hair.
Gojyo moved closer, looking barely scratched, radiating heat and comfort, and draped himself over the priest’s shoulder with the disconcerting air of familiarity.
“Hmm, if I knew you missed me that much, I woulda dropped by more often. Hey, Hakkai, meet Sanzo the baldy and his pet monkey Goku! Owww, don’t hit me, assholes, I’m all injured!”
“We were in the neighbourhood and sensed something,” said the priest, still stone-faced, carefully tucking a large paper fan back inside his sleeve. “It has stopped now, whatever it was.”
“Yeah, Sanzo’s vest went all weird for a moment!” nodded Goku, gesturing wildly to illustrate something cryptic.
“It’s not a… oh, why do I bother,” sighed Sanzo. “What the fuck are you doing here, anyway?”
Gojyo opened his mouth to explain, but Hakkai struggled onto his feet and cut him off, suddenly urgent.
“Sanzo-sama, perhaps you could help me. My name is Cho Gonou. I…” his lips began to shake, and he forced a smile, trying to regain control.
“I know who you are,” nodded Sanzo, barely surprised. “I’ve wasted months looking for you in all kinds of shitty god-forsaken places. Believe me when I tell you it doesn’t make me want to jump over myself to help you.”
“Excellent,” he said, finally feeling free after so long, and dizzy with the rush it gave him. “Then we both have found what we were looking for.”
“Oh yeah?” the priest smirked. His eyes were unsettlingly clever and knowing. “I wouldn’t stake much hope on the easy way out.”
“Hey, hey, what are you talking about?” demanded Gojyo. He’d already gotten into a wrestling match with Goku, who twisted in his hold at the pause and echoed the question, bouncing with curiosity.
Hakkai smiled at them widely and blandly, dismissing the question, admiring the way Gojyo’s hair looked with the sunlight bouncing off it: a stream of bright, brilliant shades of red. He didn’t want an easy way out, not any more. He wouldn’t need anyone’s help to take it. What he sought now was something that was probably impossible: strength to endure the unbearable, faith beyond reason. A miracle. A second chance.
The boy grabbed his hand and looked up at him, wide-eyed and friendly:
“Are you going to travel with us? It will be so cool! We can play mah-jong – Sanzo taught me, but he says I suck and it needs four players and now we could, or we could just play poker, Gojyo taught me but I never win because he’s a shark - not a real shark, he’s actually a kappa, but not really…”
It was all too strange. The charmed hell he’s been living in for the last eternity folded like a house of cards, crumbled like a dry cookie. The boy priest was dead, and they stood on the ruins of his short and bloody life with a priest, and a boy. Hakkai smiled wider, fighting a spasm in his throat. His cheeks were beginning to cramp. Gojyo’s eyes were worried and insistently seeking his, but he looked away, too exposed out in the open, in the light. Not ready yet, no certainty of ever being ready, but still, Gojyo’s warmth felt so good beside him, and the silence stretched like a line between them was solid and alive, keeping him afloat.
As they headed off after the priest he considered the possibility of hope. He didn’t deserve mercy. But then, he had never deserved her love, yet he was given it. He didn’t deserve to be saved, didn’t deserve friendship, trust or affection, but apparently…
He smiled past the pain in his tightly clenched jaw, amused at his own foolishness. Only in fairytales the evil was always banished and the good was always rewarded. Here, in the real world, anything was possible: a beautiful princess could be devoured by monsters, and a blood-soaked demon could be loved by the kindest heart of them all – no reason, no morals, no explanation. He caught up to Gojyo, falling into step with him, and let his friend lead him away from the rubble.
The end
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2008-08-10 05:31 pm (UTC)You do, however, need to LJ-cut this. :D
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Date: 2008-08-10 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-10 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-10 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 08:19 pm (UTC)And happy, possibly belated by now, birthday.
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Date: 2008-08-11 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-12 08:03 am (UTC)Geez, well done girl. This was fantastic in more ways than I can mention in LJ's 4300 character limit!!
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Date: 2008-08-14 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 11:56 pm (UTC)Oh! You finished it! I wandered over here today completely at random, and was so happy to find this!
Oh, poor Kami-sama! It figures that Gojyo's kindness would be his undoing. At least he got a chance to feel as though he had friends before he died.
I really, really don't want to think about what Nii is doing with his little hanyou germ plasm samples ... .
(Happy belated birthday! May I friend you? I don't want to risk missing another story ... .)
- cho/opalmatrix
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Date: 2009-07-01 02:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-09 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-09 09:26 pm (UTC)I think my absolute favorite passage, though, is when Gojyo is musing on how the birds deal with Kami-sama's barrier. It was a great detail to include and offered some insight into Gojyo as a rather caring person.
Thank you for taking the time to write this, it's definitely up there in my favorite for fics in this fandom. Keep up the great work!